Page 50

Ten Years Ago

Alex followed Leigh up the stairs and into her bedroom. It was tiny, beige, unornamented.

‘How long have you been here?’ Alex asked, thinking maybe she’d just moved in.

‘Since the start of term.’

‘Oh,’ Alex exclaimed, sounding more surprised than she meant to.

Leigh caught the tone and looked around her. ‘I guess it’s a little bare.’

‘Where’s your stuff?’

‘In a couple of boxes in the closet.’ Leigh touched the back of her neck self-consciously. ‘I wasn’t sure if I was going to stay.’

‘You’re gonna drop out?’ Alex asked, shocked.

‘I don’t know. I don’t know,’ Leigh said. She seemed quite forlorn.

‘Are you OK?’ Alex asked.

Leigh went and sat down on the edge of her bed and turned away from Alex. ‘It’s OK. You can go now.’

‘What?’ Alex asked, thinking she’d misheard.

‘You think I’m gross because of that thing with the thong, and I don’t blame you. Don’t feel like you have to pretend.’

Alex had to admit it was not a great story. But it didn’t change anything. ‘Look, you told me they were toxic. And Iknowhow it feels to be stuck in a situation where you don’t know where the next shitstorm is coming from. I get wanting it to end.’

Leigh turned to look at her, those dark eyes growing large with amazement. ‘Do you?’

Alex shrugged. ‘Sure.’

‘But what I did was awful. I want you to know that I know that. I’m not like that, seriously. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking,’ Leigh said, her eyes glistening.

Alex couldn’t help but go to her, sitting down next to her on the bed and taking her hand. Leigh let her take it, and they sat there in the quiet for a while. Alex didn’t know what to do next. It felt like a moment that could go in any number of directions.

The only thing she knew was that she didn’t want to be anywhere else. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever felt that before. There was always something niggling at her—push, push, pushing, always. ‘Do more, be more, get more.’ But she couldn’t push this moment. It could break if she did. She was powerless, confused, hopeful, and scared.

So Alex did the only thing that made any sense to her. ‘Can I kiss you?’ she asked quietly.

Leigh’s breath caught in her throat. ‘Yes.’

Alex leaned in quickly before she could talk herself out of it. But things slowed right down the second her lips met Leigh’s. That luscious mouth brought an unknown peace to Alex, calming everything in her that was scrabbling for control. Kissing Leigh felt like pure relief.

Alex felt Leigh slip her arms around her, and she leaned into the hold, wanting to be in Leigh’s hands utterly. She had never felt so OK with being exactly where she was.

Alex was shocked to understand what she was feeling. Happiness. In this person’s presence, everything was good. As simple as that. Had she really never been happy before? She’d felt pleased with herself, she’d felt the high of achievement, she’d felt the intense relief of a near miss, but this was different. Alex hadn’t had language for it until now.

Soon enough, they fell back on the bed and began pulling each other’s clothes off urgently. Leigh moved down Alex’s naked body, applying her magical lips to every inch of her, and Alex sunk ever deeper into the pure sensation of her and into the unexpected tranquillity of needing nothing except all of Leigh.

She moaned as Leigh pushed down further, to her most sensitive spot, and then it was happening, the rush of electricity up her thighs, up her body, culminating in a moan of pure pleasure erupting out of her mouth.

‘Come here,’ she said to Leigh, pulling her up to look into her eyes.

Leigh looked so vulnerable, defenceless. Alex suddenly understood why anyone called itmaking love. That’s what this was. They weren’t just rubbing body parts. They were making a feeling together.

And then Alex said it to her. Something she’d never dreamt she would ever say to anyone, ever. ‘Can I fall in love with you?’