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We move further into the club, passing an open space where women are on display while the crowd bids for their virginities.

My stomach tightens at the thought. There’s no way I could ever do that. The idea of losing my virginity to a stranger, someone I didn’t even choose, is terrifying.

I scan the seats, looking for Cillian. What if he’s into this?

But I don’t spot him. Thank goodness. That would be such a turn-off.

“Oh my God, there’s no way in hell I’d ever do that!” Natalia exclaims, watching as a new contestant steps onto the stage in a sheer white gown.

“Never.” I shake my head. “I want to have a choice in who I’m with for the first time.”

Alisa giggles, nudging me. “I’m sure that hot guy from earlier would be very willing if you asked.”

I roll my eyes. “He left, remember? Whatever he had to do was clearly more important.”

“I’m sure we’ll see him again.”

“Whatever. Not like I’m about to go chasing after him.”

Natalia bumps her shoulder into mine. “You guys had major chemistry. It’s okay to be disappointed.”

“I’m not disappointed.”

Liar.

“Okay.” She shrugs, but there’s a knowing curve to her lips. “Maybe he wasn’t the right guy. I’m sure you’ll lose your V-card eventually…”

“Oh shut up!” I swat her playfully.

“I just can’t believe you’re still a virgin. I really would’ve thought you’d be the first of us to lose it.”

“What the hell does that mean?” I glare at her.

“Nothing!” She raises her hands in mock surrender. “It’s just, you’ve always been so open about stuff like that. I figured…”

“Well, I haven’t found the right guy. That’s all. Nothing wrong with waiting.” I try to sound confident, but it’s harder than I thought.

I didn’t intentionally remain a virgin. It just never happened with anyone else. I either got bored or lost interest. I never felt that spark, that pull.

Until Cillian.

“Let me just say, the first time sucks anyway.” Natalia grimaces. “You don’t need the right guy for that.”

“She’s right.” Alisa nods in agreement.

“I don’t know, girls. But screwing a complete stranger probably wouldn’t be the smartest choice here, especially with Konstantin lurking around.”

“Come on, live a little.” Natalia nudges me playfully. “These are the years we’re allowed to do stupid stuff. Then we’ll turn into our parents and get all responsible.” She pretends to gag dramatically.

“I wouldn’t exactly call my father responsible,” I mutter.

And my mother...

The words fall flat, the air thickens, and my chest tightens. The ache, the hollow feeling, presses in on me.

I can’t escape the memory. I want to, but I can’t stop it.

Tears sting behind my eyes. I try to push them back, but it’s too late. The moment floods me.