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Tatiana, sitting beside me, squeezes my hand under the table. Her fingers wrap around mine with a silent understanding that cuts deeper than anything anyone could say.

Konstantin watches me for a moment longer before nodding, his expression softening. “Good. I’m glad. I’m sorry it turned out this way. I had hopes that maybe you two would get married someday and help bring the families together. But he’s stubborn.” He shrugs. “What can you do?”

Married to Cillian? I could laugh…if the thought didn’t feel like a knife twisting in my gut.

Now we’ll never know.

“Yeah, what can you do?” I mutter, the words cold in my mouth.

Nothing. I can do nothing.

“Want me to..." Kirill drags a finger across his throat, and I know exactly what he means.

His gaze flickers to his five-year-old son, Lev, who sits beside him, carefully lining up his broccoli before taking a bite—hopefully too focused to catch any of this conversation. He looks just like his dad, and thank goodness for that. The last thing Kirill needs is a constant reminder of the woman who walked out on them.

I don’t know what it means to be a mother, but I’d like to believe I’d never abandon my child—especially not because they were on the spectrum.

Kirill leans in, his near-black eyes glinting with a chilling promise. “I’ll make it look like an accident.” A slow, calculating grin tugs at his mouth. “You just tell me how much pain you want him to be in, and it’s done.”

A brittle, hollow laugh escapes me. “No, Kirill. I don’t want him dead.” I exhale, shaking my head. “But thank you for having my back.”

He doesn’t flinch. “Of course, sister. We are family.”

I should feel better, but all I feel is emptiness. It’s thick, palpable, like something pressing down on my chest.

Aleksei’s voice cuts through, sharp and bitter. “You love him or something?”

His words are blunt, no softness at all. He takes another shot of vodka, his eyes not leaving mine.

My heart skips. The pain is a physical thing now, heavy in my chest, but I don’t say anything.

DoI love him? I don’t even know. But that doesn’t stop the ache from ripping at me every time his face flashes in my mind.

Aleksei’s eyes narrow as I stay silent. He slams the shot glass down with a scowl. “He’s an idiot, Dinara. You can do better.”

Better? I’ve heard that before. Especially from Natalia. But it doesn’t make it easier. It doesn’t change the fact that Cillian was the one I wanted. Not somebetterversion of him.

I could have the world, but I want him.

“Literally anyone would be better.” Anton joins the mix, his mouth pulling into a thin smirk.

“Boys, boys,” Konstantin joins in, his tone shifting, softer now. “The heart wants what the heart wants.” He meets my gaze. “Don’t be ashamed of that. We’re only human. Once you let someone in, it’s hard to get them out. It’s why it’s better not to find yourself in that kind of predicament in the first place.”

The silence after his words feels like it could break me. He’s right; I know it. He knows it too. It’s why he keeps everyone at arm’s length. Why he never lets anyone get close enough to hurt him. Becausethis—what I’m feeling now—is the only inevitable end to love.

Anton chuckles. “Is that why you plan to be alone forever? Like a hermit?”

Konstantin’s lips twist in something close to a smile, but it’s grim. “That’s right. Better to avoid the unnecessary entanglements that only end one way.”

He lifts his glass and finishes his drink off in one motion, as if it’s nothing more than another empty habit.

“End how? In heartbreak?” The words slip out before I can stop them.

His gaze slices into mine. “Net, dorogaya. In death.”

CHAPTER18

CILLIAN