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Guilt swamps me. Obviously good has come from it, I’ve found my mate, but at what cost? What if she leaves me now?

No. I can’t spiral with that dark line of thinking right now. I have a mission. A purpose. I can’t lose sight of the end goal just because of this setback.

Hyva’s got a bag out, collecting samples of ash.

“What are you planning on doing with that?” I ask.

“Maybe Cuna and I can figure out how old the ashes are. Maybe even what started the fire. It’ll give us a starting point to investigate.”

“Good thinking.” I follow Neev down one of the aisles, watching as she runs her fingertips through the ash.

“Is it possible you have a mole on board your ship?” she asks quietly.

“Before I walked in here, I would have said an emphatic no. Now, I’d be dumb to not consider the possibility.”

Looking around at the remains of the fire it looks to be recent, weeks, maybe months at most. The only thing that saved the temple from burning down is that it’s made of stone. I can’t think of anyone beyond the Sovereign who would want this. Sure, there are factions of us who are unhappy with his rule, and we all have differing opinions of how our society should change, but none of us want this.

“Raiz?” Neev’s hand wraps around my wrist, drawing my attention to her. “Are you okay?”

She shouldn’t be the one asking me that. It should be the other way around. I dragged her into this mess, and for what? To have her attacked? To not find the entire reason I needed her in the first place?

I pull my arm away from her, ignoring the pained look in her eyes. “I’m fine. There’s no reason to stay here. Let’s go.”

Without waiting for anyone else, I stalk out the door and back down the corridor. I put up my mental shields, something I rarely do, to keep Hyva and Vynia’s questions out. Even though I’m not speaking or watching for their safe exit, I still listen closely for all three sets of footsteps. Just because I can’t handle their looks of pity or confusion doesn’t mean I don’t care about their well-being. I’d die a thousand deaths before allowing any of them to be injured on my watch.

Especially Neev.

Except I couldn’t even do that, could I? She was viciously attacked in my own home while I was nowhere to be found. Once again, I’ve failed.

I won’t be able to stop the Bak’hura. Children will die because of my failure. Parents will have to watch; I’ll have to watch. My stomach roils with nausea.

Hyva, Vynia, and Neev murmur to each other behind me, but I’m too lost in my own head to make out any of their hushed words. I wouldn’t blame them if they were discussing my inability to carry out the mission. Perhaps I should resign my post. Just go back to being Lord of House Aste and try my damnedest to keep my people safe.

Las is lounging at the rendezvous point with the kyrils when we arrive. He jumps up, surprise etched on his face.

“I wasn’t expecting you back so soon. I hope you found what you need.”

The fewer people who know what’s going on, the better. “We did,” I confirm. In many ways we did find what we needed. The lack of it is still finding something.

“Excellent.” He mounts his kyril. “Shall we get on with it, then?”

“Yes.”

I grab Nebula’s reins and lead him over to Neev. She tries to make eye contact as she places her foot in my interlocked palms, but I keep my eyes trained on the ground. Even though I can’t handle looking in her eyes, I still pull her back against me after I mount Nebula. The feel of her body pressed to mine is grounding in a way I didn’t realize I needed.

Las leads the way with us behind and then Vynia and Hyva bring up the rear as they ride side by side. I hear their mumbled conversation in bits and pieces but don’t engage. Neev turns her head, leaning her weight against me and pressing her ear to my heart. I drop the reins from one hand and wrap it around her middle, holding her close.

No matter how upset I am with myself, having her near is always calming. She grabs the edge of my cloak and wraps it around her shoulders as she’s done a few times on this mission. I’m perfectly comfortable, temperature-wise; the tunnels and caves are dark and cold but not as cold as being on the surface would be. Her human body isn’t used to the constant chill though, so anytime she’s needed to borrow my body heat, I’m happy to oblige.

“Are you going to talk to me?” she asks after getting comfortable.

“About what?”

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking we need to get back home quickly, so I can prep for the Bak’hura and meeting with the Sovereign.” And try to figure out a way to keep her from having to attend either of those events.

“Are you going to ask him about the library?”