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I shook my head, trying to clear the thought. Things were getting too muddled, and I needed to keep my wits about me.

When he took me to the bed that night, there was only one thing that was flitting through my mind over and over again.

He had left the door unlocked.

From the time of my capture to now, the lines had blurred for me—and I had nobody to blame but myself. I had set out to get out of the dungeon, and I had done exactly that. But now I was more confused than ever, wondering exactly how soulless and evil the Noctani truly were when Nikolai still appeared to maintain a sliver of his humanity. Whether that was due to being bound before being turned, I couldn’t know for sure.

Nik could remember vivid moments from our past together. He could be gentle and sweet. But he could also be angry and unpredictable. It was as if there were two sides to the same coin, and it was a toss-up which one I was going to get. He had hurt me, suffocated me with his shadows, hit me in the head with his sword, stolen my blood without my consent. But I hadn’t been on the receiving end of the cruelty I had seen him possess against the other Noctani.

Not yet, at least. I wasn’t sure how much longer he could manage to fight the compulsion.

He lay with his arm wrapped around me. With his eyes closed, I could almost pretend that this was normal. Thathewas normal. His eyes were closed in sleep, his mouth slightly parted. I could almost pretend he wasn’t Noctani at all, and we were enjoying a day in bed together back in Siraleth.

But that wasn’t the truth.

The truth was NikolaiwasNoctani, and there was a part of him that thirsted for not only my blood but my magic. He had drunk from me multiple times, and each time all I had felt in that moment was unbridled pleasure. The initial sting of his fangs wore off quickly, replaced with nothing but pure ecstasy. He hadn’t turned me into Noctani, and he hadn’t stolen my magic.

He was still in control of his own choices to a certain degree. But something had also been irreparably changed in him… because the Nikolai I knew would never be cruel. Never hurt me. Never blacken my eye and tighten his hand around my throat without a second thought.

I turned, biting back the tears that threatened to fall at the thought. I wouldn’t be able to lose him a second time. I needed the antidote, and I needed itnow. Alastir had said not to put all my eggs in one basket… but I had, and I desperately needed Nik to return to normal.

After the incident with Giselle, he had to address the Noctani once more to ensure they stayed away from me. For the remainder of the day, he had kept me locked in his bedroom at the end of the hallway.

But when he had come to bed that night, he had forgotten to lock the door behind him.

I needed to escape quickly and quietly. After determining yesterday before my encounter with Giselle that the windows were sealed shut permanently, that left the only other option—the front door.

I hoped now that Nik had threatened the others, the common spaces were more likely to be abandoned, the Noctani having returned to their own rooms.

If only I could be as lucky.

I hadn’t yet found any weapons that I could use against Nik, but I had decided that when Ididmake my move, I would risk summoning my magic if need be. I wouldn’t go down without a fight, and I doubted Nikolai would forgive me for trying to escape with his new volatile personality.

Once I had made the decision to go, I needed to go.

A piece of me didn’t want to leave him, though I knew there was no other option. I couldn’t stay here like this forever, remaining his prisoner. I needed to cure him, because I couldn’t stomach fighting him when the time came.

And we needed to save Isaac.

I needed to escape before Nik decided to take me to Donika, after all. Or one of his Noctani crew decided to go against him and take me themselves. Once we cured Nik… we would be bound once more. That was, if everything went to plan. I was living on borrowed time playing house here, and it was time to go.

Once my magic was bound, I could kill Donika and end this war once and for all. The people of Istmere deserved to livein peace. They had suffered enough over this last decade. I needed to refocus my priorities, which had been entirely lost these last few weeks.

I rolled to the side of the bed, away from Nikolai’s arm, and it fell to the bed between us. I waited until I was sure he hadn’t woken, then I stood. The bed creaked as my feet met the floor, and once more I waited to ensure he hadn’t woken.

He had brought me clothes and had dressed me in a silk slip last night, the material clinging to my curves. I certainly couldn’t leave in this, especially if I needed to cross all the way back to the seaside cabin within the next two days. No, I needed a tunic and some type of riding pants or trousers. I silently padded to the dresser and pulled the drawer open slowly. It creaked despite my carefulness.

I waited again, but Nikolai still didn’t wake.

I breathed a soft sigh of relief before taking out a white tunic that buttoned up to the neck, pulling it on over the slip, and a pair of black pants. I pulled on the pair of boots I had come here in, my eyes on Nikolai’s still form.

He was almost…toostill in sleep. As if he were dead.

I guessed, in a sense he was.

But his heart still beat, and blood still ran through the veins of the Noctani. The essence that had changed them was magic, which made me all the more hopeful that they could be returned to their natural state.

I couldn’t find a cloak among the mess of clothes on the floor, and didn’t risk rifling through them and waking him. I wasn’t sure what I would find when I left this house, or where I would be. I knew it was time to go.