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“Oh, no!” she replied brightly. “Oaken isn’t my husband.”

I blinked. So did Magnolia. Her smile never wavered.

“Uh-”

“I am.” A smoke-and-gravel voice cut through the connection. The camera on the tablet Magnolia was using shifted, so that suddenly I wasn’t seeing her and a green-skinned male on her right, but I was now seeing her and a blue-skinned male on her left.

“Sorry,” I said, glancing at my notes and then back at the screen. “You’re Magnolia’s husband? But you’re not Oaken?”

“I am Oaken!” came a cheery voice from Magnolia’s right, which I assumed belonged to the big green guy no longer in frame.

“This is Garrek. My husband,” Magnolia said with a dreamy sigh, leaning her head against Garrek’s blue shoulder. Unlike Oaken, Silar, and Fallon, Garrek was wearing a garment on his upper body. It appeared to be a vest of some sort, made with delicate white lace. It seemed an odd sartorial choice, to wear such soft and pretty fabric when his face looked like it could incinerate someone with the force of its glare.

“Hold on. I have a Garrek here,” I said, squinting at my notes. “It says here Garrek chose not to participate in the bride program.”

“I changed my mind,” he said. Simple. Gruff. Blunt.

And not at all what I’d wanted to hear.

“That… That was not supposed to happen,” I said, dismay pulling at me. “Garrek, you weren’t even a participant! You said no!”

“But then I saw her.”

Magnolia’s smile got a little teary. Cherry made a quiet, “Aw!” sound.

I blew out a breath between tight lips, abandoning my notes and leaning back in my chair. This was not going at all as I’d hoped. The three women all looked healthy and well, which was great. But the program had rules. Protections. Plans. And nowI was learning that those plans had changed without me even knowing about it.

“So you two are already married, then,” I said, just to confirm. Good grief, the amount of paperwork this was going to cause on my end. I could already feel a headache building at the thought…

“Yes! The warden married us,” Magnolia piped up.

“The warden did,” I repeated through clenched teeth. Just where exactly was the warden, anyway? I’d heard him speak once earlier, but he’d never entered the frame.

“The ceremony was both legal,” Garrek said with a warning growl, “and complete.”

“Of course,” I said quickly, trying to cover up my stress with yet another pinched smile. “Congratulations to you both. If the wedding has already happened and you obviously both consented to it, then there’s no question as to the legitimacy of the union.”

“There better not be!” A new face shoved its way into Magnolia and Garrek’s rectangle. A blur of teal skin and a shock of white hair, followed by the largest eyes I’d ever seen in such a cute little face. “If you say that they are not married and you try to take Magnolia away then I will end you.”

OK. I take back the cute comment.

“Killian!” Magnolia gasped at the same moment that Garrek appeared to yank him out of the frame by his tail.

“Was… Was that a child?” I stammered. “And did that child just threaten to murder me?”

“He wouldn’t have done it,” Oaken said quickly, sliding half his emerald-tinted face apologetically into the camera’s view. “Probably…”

“Oh! And, um, speaking of murder,” Magnolia said with an awkward little laugh. “Have you guys told her yet?”

“‘Speaking of murder?’” I repeated in disbelief. “What sort of segue is that?!”

“We haven’t told her yet,” Darcy replied with a grimace.

“Well,” said Cherry with what looked like a whole hell of a lot of forced optimism. “No time like the present! I told you two before your weddings and it wasn’t so bad. At least she isn’t engaged to one. This should be a piece of cake!” She took a small breath, then stared steadily into the camera. “Tasha. This isn’t a normal ranching colony planet. It’s a penal colony.”

“Excuse me,” I said after a long moment. “I’m beginning to believe that I never actually woke up this morning, and this entire conversation has been some kind of stressful fever dream. When I wake up, we’ll have the real call. Have a great day.”

I risked a glance down, just to make sure my clothes hadn’t disappeared at some point while I’d been talking. That would have been the perfect way to end this nightmare. I thought about Warden Tenn seeing me naked – even just in a dream – and felt my stomach sharply flip and then drop all the way down to my butt.