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She rubbed a hand down his thigh. His blood zoomed into the stratosphere and set other body parts simmering. Not a great way to hide how much he wanted her, but if she didn’t do it again, he might be able to back himself down.
“Would you have taken me to a hotel tonight if I’d insisted?”
“Not unless you’d let me stay the night.” His gut clenched. Did she want to go to one now? There were motels in Slidell, but they’d have to drive—
“That sounds an awful lot like a lead-up to survival sex.” She nestled against his groin, and he sucked in a breath.
Why had he even started this convo? “We did have another close shave.”
“Twice.” She held up two fingers. “That’s only counting tonight.”
“But we’ve only savored the reward once.” Idiot. This was how he planned to keep her from getting close enough to see exactly what sort of man he was? If she knew his sordid past, she’d walk away right now. In disgust.
Then don’t tell her. He leaned his head against the wall. She deserved to know.
“I need to get up.” He unwound himself and walked to the window. The moon blazed a silvery trail across a nearby inlet, infusing him with a kind of metallic strength. Which he needed. Bad. “Everyone makes mistakes, Cathy.”
“You don’t get medals for making mistakes.”
He flung his arm wide. “I should throw them away.”
She wrapped the space blanket around herself on the bed. “Why?”
“They’ll never make up for the irresponsible actions that put me in the army in the first place.” He never talked about this. Ever. The words still tumbled out. “My best friend, Chas, wanted to join the army after graduation, but he couldn’t. He drowned. It was my fault.”
Mitch stared at the moonlight. “We were football teammates in high school. When we won state champs, we wanted to celebrate in the French Quarter. We got drunk, of course, and challenged each other to daring escapades like dodging cars in the street, jumping benches in Jackson Square, doing handstands on the Moon Walk levee.”
Mitch pressed a fist into his palm. “My friend fell off and tumbled into the river. Everyone scrambled down to help him. Took forever over that riprap. When we got to the water’s edge, the current had already swept him away.”
Cath padded over and pried open his fist. “I’m so sorry. What a terrible experience.”
“Unforgivable is what it was.” He turned away. “I’ve been making up for that wrong decision ever since.”
“You’re still feeling guilty over something you did or didn’t do as a teenager?” She stepped in front of him so he had to look at her. “You see how irrationally my brother is acting? He’s only twenty.”
Why wasn’t she condemning him? He rubbed the back of his neck. “I should have warned them.”
“You think they would have listened?”
“I’ll never know. I egged them on when I should have been a leader. I joined the army to serve in Chas’s place, and now I have to prove myself to my brothers. They disowned me after that happened. We’d all been brought up to be responsible. That was the only reason Aunt Edi let me go out celebrating that night.”
“Aunt Edi? What about your parents?”
“Passed on. Hal and I were living with our aunt. I was lucky Kurt offered me the bounty hunter job, and I need to prove I can be responsible now. That I would never let someone on my watch get hurt again.”
She stood next to him. Completely silent. Any minute she’d ask another question, but he was done. “Anyway, now you know why I—” Can’t let you love me. Or me you. He cleared his throat. “That’s why I’m the way I am.”
“Intense.”
He pulled on his windbreaker and worked the zipper. “Even if I succeed as a bounty hunter, I doubt my brothers will ever forgive me.”
“Maybe you’re the person who needs to forgive?” she asked in the gentle voice she used with Tiger.
Where did she get that? “I was the one who messed up.”
“Why hold onto the guilt?” The word twisted a serrated knife in his chest. She spread soothing fingers on his arm. “It’s like me holding onto my belief that men I like—big, bossy take-charge men—can’t be trusted.”
“Is it?” He searched her face, wanting to believe her.