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“Why didn’t you ever tell me about these tunnels before?” I ask, when the anticipatory silence between us has grown so thick all I can do is break through it.
Juan hesitates to answer. “It’s a long story...”
“Are we close to Oscar?”
Juan doesn’t respond right away, and that’s enough to tell me that we still have a ways to go.
“Tell me, Juan. No more secrets. We can’t afford that shit anymore.”
Juan sighs and pinches his nose. “You’re right.”
His tense shoulders loosen under the palm of my hand. “We’re on the same side, buddy.”
“I know, I know, but there are some things people like us should always keep separate from work.”
“And what do you keep separate from work?”
Juan looks around the tunnel like it’s an old friend. “Family.”
The word slams through my chest like a sledgehammer. My family has never been straightforward and it’s only gotten all the more complicated with Cat and Dante. “You have a family?”
For some reason, I always just thought that Juan was married to the work. He never seemed to leave my side; how could he have had time for anyone else?
“Of course I do!” Juan responds. “Everyone has a family.”
I think of Catalina. She didn’t have a family, not for the longest time. But if I have anything to say about it, she will now. “Who makes up your family? Brothers? Sisters? A mother? Father?”
“All dead,” Juan mumbles. His eyes glaze over for a quick second and I reassure him with a quick pat on the back.
“I’m sorry, man.”
“It’s part of the life,” he says, before adding, “but it’s not something I wanted for my family, for my kids.”
That stops me in my tracks. “You have kids!?”
“And a wife... and in-laws.”
“How the fuck don’t I know about this?”
“Because I hid them from you.”
“How the hell did you do that so well?”
Juan starts walking again and I catch up to his side. With his eyes, he gestures around at the curved walls. “The tunnels...”
Realization erupts inside of me like a bouquet of fireworks. “That’s why you didn’t tell me about these tunnels? Because it was how you kept your family separate from our work?”
Juan nods. “I’m sorry...”
Two years ago, I might have been furious at the revelation that my closest advisor was keeping something so huge from me, but now, I can’t help but sympathize with him. He has a family... nothing is more important than family.
I have a family waiting for me, too; I just have to take it.
“I understand,” I tell him, as we turn down a new corner.
“No, you don’t,” Juan says, his heavy gaze dropping down to his feet. “My family... It’s how Dante got to me.”
My heart lurches. Innocence is supposed to be left out of our darkness, but I know Dante doesn’t care about decorum. “How?”