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Toxic Masculinity 101

NOW I UNDERSTOOD WHYthere were so many songs about sex.

Addicting. Powerful. A pleasure that couldn’t be put into words, or really even described without experiencing it. Sex was everything I expected it to be.

With Phillip, a total game changer. Of course, not in a way that was helpful. The hope was it’d clarify things between us, or clear up some of the confusing feelings I had about him. It did neither. It muddled it all up. It soared through with euphoric bursts of sensation and left me a hell of a lot more jumbled up than before.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

As ignorant as it may seem to justify using sex to clarify anything, I genuinely thought it might help. Instead, I still wasn’t sure how I felt about the older Hunter. And now probably addicted to sex.

It hadn’t really clarified anything other than I may or may not be a total nymphomaniac. Or maybe Phillip was just that good. In this scenario, it could easily be either case, but sex was just about all I could think of now.

“Something’s different about you,” Kate mused beside me, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. “Did you pierce your nose?!”

“Uh, yeah.”

“So awesome! I should get one, too. Only got my belly button pierced. Maybe septum?”

“Sure,” I responded, not listening.

As a Hunter with superior senses, it was pretty ridiculous how little I noticed today. I hadn’t heard her come over. Barely noticed anyone else at all.

My head was off in another world, lost to the memory of Phillip over me, handsome face between my legs. Bulky arms wrapped around me. Scruffy beard brushing everywhere he moved. His powerful body moving under me, spearing up and burying inside of me. His kisses made my lips painfully plump and my face red, especially when the serum was in effect, and I loved the way it felt.

Oh, God. I’m definitely a nymphomaniac. Maybe even a little bit of a masochist?

I shuddered to myself, gasping for air I didn’t even need.

When the serum wore off, the pleasure was so damn strong I actually worried it’d kill me. I spent minutes convinced anything that powerful plowing into me in delicious, overwhelming waves couldn’t be real. Only the intensity of pain ever came close to the fear I felt. So, it was concluded in a span of seconds that sex may actually be the end of me.

Death I didn’t fear; pleasure so intense it veered on otherworldly, yeah, that scared the shit out of me.

“It’s okay. Just hold onto me.”

Call him a jerk, it wouldn’t be wrong, but Phillip lived up to the confidence he spouted on the daily.