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18
ANGEL
“This should hit the spot.” Riley sets a cup of hot chocolate down in front of me with extra marshmallows. “If you need to cry, you can let it out.”
“I don’t need to cry.” If I did, it wouldn't be for Brent or John. They don’t deserve tears. The people who they spent their lives tormenting do. “I honestly don’t understand how I feel right now.” It’s hard to reconcile not caring that your brother and father are about to be literally tortured to death by the man you’re involved with.
“It’s a lot between finding out about your family and then falling in love with Church.” Riley takes a sip of her own hot chocolate.
“Do I love Abel?” I whisper.
“Of course you do.” Riley rolls her eyes. “You’re not screaming and running from him.”
"If I did, it wouldn't matter. He’s told me time and time again not to run from him because he would never let me go.”
“Okay, fine. Then tell me you don’t love him, and I’ll believe you.” Riley stares at me, waiting.
“He’s spent a few days torturing John.” I can’t bring myself to call him my father anymore. They aren’t my family. Truthfully, they never were. We never acted like one. Not in any sense of the word.
“And then you gave him the all-clear to go finish up,” she points out. I could have stopped him. He'd even implied that he would try to save them from death if I asked. That he'd go against everyone else for me, knowing it could risk his own life. He was willing to accept the consequences in order for me to be okay with whatever decision I made.
“I don’t want to change him,” I admit. Because Riley is right. I do love Abel. This is who he is.
"If you asked him to, he'd stop. You know that, right?”
“I do.” And that’s all I really need to know.
“I get it. Our families are different, but we're still family. One that loves each other and will protect each other.” A smile lights up her face. “I always had my sister, but it was her and me. I had a shitty brother and father too. I don’t care how fucked-up this family is. It’s a real one with people that love and protect you with everything they have. You and Church can be a part of that.”
“I want it.” I really do.
"You just have to get over what society has ingrained in your mind about right and wrong. Those are their rules and laws. It doesn’t mean they’re right. We have our own, and I rest easy at night. I think a lot of people will when news breaks about Brent and the senator.”
Riley is so right. Blood isn’t the only thing that can make someone your family. It’s the bonds we form, the trust we’re given and instill, the loyalty and love we allow ourselves to give and receive that determines those things. Fortunately, as we get older, we have a choice in who we want to consider our family. And I know without a doubt that Abel is my home.
“Reality TV?” I ask.
“Yes, please!” I turn on the TV before scooping my kitten up and bringing him over to cuddle. Abel had saved him. He took in a stray kitten and cared for it. In his own way, the man is sweet.
“Angel.” My eyes flutter open. I must have dozed off. How? I have no clue. I should have been pacing back and forth. Abel pushes a piece of hair out of my face. "Did you eat, or did you only have hot chocolate today?"
I blink the sleep out of my eyes while sitting up. “That’s what you’re asking me?”
“Need to make sure you’re taken care of.” He shrugs. I can see the uncertainty in his eyes. I know it’s not because of what he’s done but because he’s gauging my reaction to him.
He’s probably at a loss for how to handle this now that there is a finality to it all. I mean, who could’ve even made something like this up? There is no right or wrong way to handle any of it.
“I’m fine. More importantly, how are you?” I reach up to touch his face, wanting to reassure him that my feelings for him haven’t changed after everything. He leans into my palm and lets out a long breath, as though my touch has lifted a weight off of his shoulders.
“I missed you.” He turns his head, kissing the palm of my hand.
“I missed you too.” Abel scoops me up into his arms, then turns to sit on the couch with me straddling him.
“You don’t hate me?” I shake my head no. “You’re not scared of me?”
“No, I’m not scared of you, Abel.” I rest my hands on his chest. “Is it done?”
“Yes” is all he says. He is still worried about what my reaction is going to be. Like I’m a ticking bomb that he is waiting to go off. I don’t want him to live that way. In fact, I want to give Abel something I don’t think anyone else ever has.