Page 25

“I loved this one,” I said, pulling one thick volume off the shelf.

“Mmm, me too,” she said. “I was into sapphic romance for a while before I came out. In fact, those books are kind of why I figured things out.”

I turned around to face her. “Really?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I got absolutely sucked into this one series and it was eating up my life and I’d never been captivated by characters that way before. They were all I thought about. And I was also reading a lot of fanfic too. I’d always read slash and avoided anything with a whiff of sapphic in it and then I watched this show and decided to go for it, and I was hooked. It’s a miracle I got through the semester with good grades, honestly. I’d been missing Larison and Juniper so much that I needed something comforting and I guess that was what I turned to and one night I was thinking about my favorite fanfic and then I was crying. I don’t know. It all hit me at once.” She leaned against the bookshelf as if she was tired.

“That sounds rough,” I told her.

She laughed. “It was. It was really rough. I ended up calling Larison in the middle of the night and she talked me through it. She’s bi, so she got it.”

I nodded. “I’m glad she was there for you.”

Her smile was small, but it was there. “Me too. She’s the best friend I could ever ask for.”

Sophie hadn’t called her sister. I didn’t know if I should read anything into that or not. I decided not to think about it.

“So the books and the fanfic made you gay, huh?” I said, and that earned me a real smile that made my skin feel too tight and a little hot. Like I’d been out in the sun.

“Pretty much. What about you?”

“Uh, same? Kind of? I saw a movie and even though the two women didn’t end up together, I couldn’t stop thinking that they should have and that kind of led to a bunch of other things and I came out in high school.” Just before I’d started going out with Kaylee. Not only was she my most intense relationship, she’d been my first. First everything.

“You know, I really think we should start going door-to-door with sapphic books and try and convert people to lesbianism,” she said, her eyes lit up.

I threw my head back and laughed. “Have you heard of our lady and savior Sappho?”

We both lost it at that, and I discovered something terrible. I liked her. I enjoyed spending time with Sophie. Being with her wasn’t awful.

It would’ve been so much easier if I could hate her.

Chapter Twelve

Sophie

Even though the “lesson” had pretty much ended, Reid was still here. I wondered if I should ask her if she wanted something to eat or watch something, but I didn’t want to make her feel like she had to.

Before I could figure out what I should do, she stepped away from my bookshelves. I’d brought her over here to tell her about the books I liked and see if she could give me some specific recommendations, but I’d gotten completely sidetracked. As usual. My plans always went awry.

“I should probably get going. I need to have an actual dinner and not more cupcakes.” She still snagged another cupcake and the empty glasses she’d brought over that I’d rinsed out in the sink.

“Thanks for agreeing to do this. Maybe next time you could help me with like, dressing? Maybe? Or like, giving the signal.”

“The signal?” she asked, licking the cupcake in her hand. At the appearance of her tongue, I completely forgot what I’d just asked her and had to backtrack.

“Yeah, the signal you give when you’re in public to let people know you’re sapphic and that you know they’re sapphic too.”

“Ohhh, that signal. I got you. Well, it’s kind of look and kind of an upnod sometimes? It’s also kind of a vibe. You really should just come to Sapph some night and observe.” That sounded like a good idea but thinking about it made me start to sweat.

“Maybe,” I said.

“You’re gonna have to dive in the deep end sometime, Soph,” she said, and my ears caught on the nickname. She hadn’t called me that before.

“I know. But I think I need to go a little bit slower, if that’s okay?” I hoped she didn’t think I was being a baby. I knew I was, but that was the thing with anxiety. It made mountains out of mole hills every day. Made monsters appear under your bed.

Reid studied me for a second and then nodded once. “Okay. We’ll have another session here, young padawan. It’s really too bad that these lessons don’t involve lightsabers because that would give me an excuse to spend money on one and I haven’t been able to justify it.”

I giggled. “You don’t need my permission to buy a lightsaber, Reid. Go ahead and buy a lightsaber if you want.”