Page 55 of Unbroken

I am now.

That voice… might be the only thing that could convince me to try something other than this all-black armor I live in. I don’t want to stay here anymore. I don’t want to be frozen in time. What is this? Old-school Italy? I’ll mourn the death of my sister—my best friend—until the day I die. But mourning doesn’t mean I stop living. Mourning doesn’t mean I pull the blinds closed on my entire life.

Still… I don’t know how to dress myself anymore.

Talking to her voicemail helped. So I decide to text her.

Will Vadka see it? Would he read her texts? I don’t know why he would… Who’s texting a dead woman, right?

I need new clothes. I don’t know how to shop for myself. You once told me that when I wear all black, it makes me look like I’m in mourning. And there’s never been a time when that mattered more than now. I don’t want to look like mourning anymore, Mariah. Because maybe… if I don’t look like mourning… it won’t feel like I am.

I wipe my eyes. The message says delivered. I pick my phone back up, not ready to stop. Not ready to let it go.

I’m not going to send it, but I can type it. I can say it somewhere. Even if it’s just for me.

Maybe I’ll feel better.

Forgive me, please forgive me, but I think I’m falling in love with your husband.

There. I said it. And now that I have, I have more to say.

I see now why you loved him, Mariah. I was always a good sister to you. I never let myself look at him as anything but a brother. But god, he’s hot. He’s funny. He’s sweet. He’s hardworking as hell. And he makes me feel safe. I like who I am when I’m with him. I like how I feel.

My finger hovers over the X. Just delete it. Just delete it.

But when I try, my phone freezes. The screen locks, and it gets hot in my hand. Overheating again. I forgot this has been happening.

Oh shit. Oh fuck.

Now I can’t delete it.

Panic rises like fire in my chest.

“You stupid motherfucking?—”

So I go nuclear. I press the power button and hold it down until the screen goes black. Power off. Power down.

I’m breathing like I just ran a marathon. My hands are shaking. Okay. Okay. Let’s be rational.

First—even if it sent, what are the chances he sees it immediately?

Second—if you shut off the phone, doesn’t that stop the message from going through?

Third—what’s the worst that could happen?

Worst case? He reads it. He realizes I’m crushing on him. And he doesn’t feel the same way.

Fuck. My. Actual. Life.

I power the phone back on. My stomach flips over itself. I open messages.

And scream. Out loud.

“No! Oh my god.”

The message sent. The fucking message sent. Shit, shit, fuck, shit.

I dial Vadka. Fast. I have to get to the house. I have to find her phone. I have to delete the message. I try to delete it on my end, but all it says is: