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“Then you better make things work,” I replied.

I didn’t feel much better after leaving Angus’ house. I thought I could relieve myself of the massive weight that was crushing my chest by telling him I was quitting the competition. But it just felt like the pressure was now teetering on my shoulders instead.

Angus may have agreed to try and get me out of the contest, but I didn’t feel like I could trust him. What did make me feel better was the realization that he didn’t control me. He couldn’t force me to attend the selection ceremony. So, for his sake, I hoped he could make things work without me.

Hayley spent the rest of the weekend plying me with copious amounts of ice cream. I think she was convinced that if she put enough ice cream in my body, it would start to fill the empty hollow Cole had carved out of my heart. When the ice cream didn’t seem to make me feel better, Hayley just stuck to her theory and fed me more. Apparently, she just hadn’t given me enough.

When Sunday night arrived, and it was time for the show to air, Hayley sat us both down for a Riverdale marathon. I was surprised she didn’t want to witness what Cole had done for herself, but she had decided to boycott the remainder of the show with me. I really loved my best friend.

Unfortunately, Hayley couldn’t hold my hand for every minute of the next week. I’d barely been in school for five minutes on Monday when Cole sought me out.

“Hey,” he said, as I walked away from my locker.

I didn’t make eye contact with him. How could I when every time I looked at him I was struck by the image of him and Laurie half naked? I kept walking, hoping he would disappear if I pretended he wasn’t there.

“Madi, can we talk?” I could sense him following me from a safe distance.

“Leave me alone,” I said, still refusing to look at him.

“I can’t,” he replied. “How can I let go of the best thing that’s ever happened to me?”

His words made me stop. They were somewhat cliché, but I couldn’t just ignore them. I slowly turned to look at him and I was shocked when I saw the boy before me. Cole had dark rings under his eyes, his hair was messy, and his clothes looked crinkled, as though he’d slept in them. He looked utterly wrecked, but I wasn’t going to let myself feel any sympathy for him. I just wished my heart agreed with my head, because I couldn’t seem to stop it from clenching with worry.

I had planned to fire some scathing remark at him, but I just didn’t have it in me. “Look, I’m really upset by what happened and I don’t feel ready to talk to you. I’ll only say something I’ll regret or something that will hurt you. Can I please just have some space?”

Cole took a step back from me and nodded. Just asking for space looked like it had hurt him enough.

“Whatever you want, Madi. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy,” he replied.

My stomach lurched at his comment. They weren’t the words of a guy who was interested in another girl. But I couldn’t give myself room to hope that maybe I was mistaken.

“I have to get to class.” I hurried away from him before he could respond. I could feel him staring after me, and as I went to turn the corner, I hazarded a glance back.

Cole stood exactly where I'd left him, looking completely broken by our encounter. I knew my heart was aching after losing him, and seeing him now I began to wonder if maybe his heart was aching too.

23

Cole

Ididn’t want to be dramatic, but it felt like I was having the worst week of my life. The episode on Sunday night was brutal, and I was still thinking about it as I slumped into my usual seat at lunch on Monday.

I knew Angus had filmed my reaction to Madi leaving the campsite, but I hadn’t expected him to show it. It was pretty hard to watch as I broke down in the middle of the woods. Nobody wants to see themselves that wrecked on film.

The footage had reminded me of some kind of raw live-action documentary. Angus had filmed as he ran through the woods, and the sound of shouting could be heard in the distance.

“Something’s going on,” he said to the camera, pointing the lens in his own direction as he ran. “I can hear some of the contestants shouting. I think there’s been some sort of fight.”

When the camera finally caught up with us, the spotlight shone on Willow’s angry face before she turned and stormed away. Then Angus focused the lens on me as I slammed my fist into the tree.

Thankfully, Angus had decided to take my threat about breaking the camera out of the final edit. He wanted drama and he wanted angst, but apparently he still wanted people to somewhat like me.

He’d left the whole episode up in the air. As the show ended, he walked away from the scene and spoke to the camera once more. “Tune in next time to see the fallout from True Love’s dramatic camping trip,” he said. “And don’t forget to vote. Any one of your favorite contestants could be Cole’s next pick to leave. We don’t know who he was fighting with, but we do know that he has strong connections with all four of the girls and we don’t want him to eliminate your favorite before they get a chance to make up!”

I was really beginning to feel like Angus lived for the drama the contest was causing.

I had hoped that school wouldn’t be too difficult today, but everyone was asking me what had happened. They wanted to know why I looked so distraught, what the fight was all about and who it had been with. I just shrugged off all their questions or told them to ask the girls themselves.

I tried to speak with Madi, but she totally shot me down. I couldn’t blame her. The whole thing had looked terrible. I just didn’t know what to do to fix things.