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She was right there with me, those crystal blue eyes.

“Wow,” she breathed, licking her lips.

“Yeah,” I said, equally unable to come up with any other words. My entire body tingled from my fingertips to my toes and in-between. Now that was a kiss.

I moved my thumb over her cheek.

“You’ve had some kissing practice, I think,” she said, her voice low. Like she didn’t want to break the spell.

“So have you,” I said. Our first kiss was what a first kiss should be. Clumsy. Nervous. Quick. But it had still made my heart race and kept me up half the night with the memory of Molly’s lips. And a whole lot of confusion about what kissing a girl and liking it meant. But that took me years to untangle.

“What does this mean?” she asked, moving away from me a little more. Her face came back into focus and I dropped my hand from her face.

“I don’t know,” I said, which was the honest truth. “Can we kiss instead of talking about it?” She laughed just a little.

“Okay.”

Four

We completely lost track of time, and before I knew what was happening, it was late, late, late and we were horizontal in the blanket fort, and neither of us had taken a single item of clothing off.

“I feel like we’re sixteen or something,” she said, tugging a wisp of my hair. My braid had come undone at some point and now my hair was dry and all wavy.

“I know. I didn’t know I could feel like this. All fluttery and shit.” She laughed and then I started and then we ended up rolling around on the floor and laughing together.

“I wasn’t sure about everything, but when I saw the café you worked at, I had hope,” she said, propping herself up on her elbows.

“Yeah? I guess I wasn’t very stealth, was I?” She shook her head.

“I mean, you weren’t broadcasting, but I had hope. I kept fishing for clues.” Huh. I hadn’t noticed.

“Well, I had no idea about you. Holy shit, I’m still wondering if you’re pulling some elaborate and sick joke on me.” Her response was to lean over and stick her tongue in my mouth and kiss me until I was dizzy.

“Does that feel like a joke?” she said, pulling back. We were both breathing hard again.

“No,” I said.

“Good.” She booped my nose with hers and then resumed her previous position.

“So how long have you been out?” I asked. She sighed.

“Well, I was out to myself for years before I came out to my parents. It, um, didn’t go well.” Oh. Shit.

“I’m sorry,” I said. She picked at some fuzz on her shirt.

“Whatever, it’s fine. It’s not my problem, it’s theirs. I’ve made my peace with it. Besides, even before that, they weren’t the best of parents anyway.” I didn’t want to say it, but she was right. Her parents were physically there, but never really emotionally there. I had always felt just a little uncomfortable at their house. Like I was disrupting their lives by existing in the same space. I knew Molly felt that even more acutely.

“And what about you?” She looked up at me.

“Um, I figured things out in college. Kissed a few girls, the usual. My mom was totally fine with it because she’s just like that.” I remember when I came out to her, I’d been flipping out, and all she did was hug me and ask if I wanted her to make me some cookies. I’d cried and then wiped my eyes and asked for snickerdoodles. With frosting.

“She would be,” Molly said with a sigh.

“I’m sorry about yours. I really am.” She shook her head and I thought she was going to cry.

“I’m fine. I swear. I’m still a little raw from the breakup.” She sniffed.

“What happened?” I asked, even though I kinda didn’t want to know.