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That seems to satisfy her, and she begins reading aloud to her doll once again. She continues to occupy herself like this for a while, and I’m impressed at the expression and ease with which she reads books above her grade level. I still don’t remember the little toddler that Julian tells me I taught to read, but I have come to feel a very strong bond with my daughter, and that makes the lost memory a little less guilt-inducing.
When I hear the front door close, and Julian calls that he is home, I look at my watch and see that it’s five o’clock.
“Daddy’s home,” I tell Valentina as I get up from the chair. “Let’s go see him.” I take her hand, and we meet him halfway to the hall.
He scoops up Valentina with one arm and puts his other arm around me as we walk together to the living room. “How are my girls?”
“We’re fine, Daddy,” she says as Julian deposits her on the sofa and sits down next to her. “Guess what?”
“What?” he says.
“I have two grandmothers.”
Julian raises his eyebrows and looks at me. “You do?”
“Yes. They’re in heaven, but they can see me.”
He nods. “I bet they think you’re the coolest kid they’ve ever seen,” he says, and starts tickling her.
Valentina squeals in delight, laughing until he stops.
“So tell me about your day, little one,” Julian says, putting hisarm around her, and I sit back and watch them as they talk. He is such a wonderful father.
When they’ve finished, Julian looks at me. “Our reservation is for seven. Shall I give Valentina her dinner while you go change?” It’s our anniversary, and Julian’s made plans for us to go out.
“Oh my, I didn’t realize how late it was. That would be great. I’ll go get ready.” I pick up the book Valentina made and take it upstairs with me.
Yesterday I stood in the walk-in closet in the bedroom Julian and I used to share, and was astonished at all of the beautiful clothes. I slid the hangers over one at a time, wondering where I wore these dresses, and whether I bought all of them, or any were gifts from Julian. I chose a red silk dress for tonight, and it’s waiting in my room now. I shower and dress, taking special care with my makeup and hair, and then slip on the dress. Immediately I can tell by the fit and the way it falls on my body that it is well-made and expensive. When I look at my reflection in the mirror, I see a stylish, impeccably put-together woman. It’s a new look for me—or, I guess, an old one that I’ve forgotten.
The last thing I do is pick up Valentina’s book. As I flip through it once again, my heart swells with love for her. In her sweet little hand she’s written “You are the best mommy in the world. I love you to the moon and back.”I open the top drawer of my nightstand and place the book there.
When I come downstairs, Valentina is in her pajamas, and Julian has changed into a dinner jacket. He looks... an old-fashioned word pops into my head. Dashing—he looks quite dashing.
“Wow, you look so beautiful,” Valentina says, and reaches out to touch my dress.
“Yes,” Julian says, smiling at me. “You are stunning.”
I have no idea where we’re having dinner. Julian said he wantedto surprise me, but even so, when we walk into Ricard’s, I am momentarily speechless. I’ve never seen such an enchanting room. My shoes sink into the thick brown carpet as a waiter in black tie escorts us to a table. Soft music plays, and there is a muffled hum of conversation in the background. The walls are a deep burgundy, and in the dim light the crystal chandeliers make everything sparkle. We pass a dance floor, and when we are seated, our waiter lights the candle on our table.
“This place is wonderful,” I say.
“This is where I proposed to you.” He reaches across the table and puts his hand over mine. His blond hair looks golden in this light, and I notice again the curl that always seems to break away and brush his forehead.
“It makes me sad that I don’t remember.”
“I know. But one day you will. For now it’s enough that we’re together. You don’t know how happy that makes me.”
The waiter brings the bottle of pinot noir Julian ordered and pours us each a glass. Julian wraps his fingers around his glass. “To us. And to all the years I hope are ahead.” He stops, and before raising the glass, he leans toward me slightly. “If you’ll stay.”
For a split second I think of Gabriel and all I’ve left behind, but then I push him from my mind. Lifting my glass, I say, “To tonight, Julian. Let’s drink to tonight.”
I see his eyes grow sad, but he lifts his glass to mine, and we each take a sip.
“I know it must feel to you like I’m rushing things. I’m sorry. It’s hard to keep my feelings under wraps. I want so much for things to go back to the way they were that I forget how tough it is for you as well.” He shakes his head and takes another sip of wine. “I’ll try to be better. Take it slowly and give you all the time you need.”
He’s been so extraordinarily patient with me that it makes mefeel guilty. What is wrong with my brain, that I could screw up so many lives? As I look across the table, however, I sense something happening. I realize that I feel comfortable with Julian. I trust him, and more than that, I like being with him. Maybe these are feelings of familiarity I’m experiencing, and soon more memories will follow.
“It’s all right, Julian,” I say. “You don’t have to apologize—I understand. You’ve been so patient, and you’ve given me all the space and time I need.”