Page 31

We reach our chambers and I stop in front of my door.

“So, are you going to tell Ruskin on me?” I ask defiantly. “Will you say I didn’t follow your instructions and made a mess of things?”

Destan shakes his head. “Oh no, you can tell him yourself what you’ve gotten yourself into. Good luck.”

I shake his warnings off as he flounces away to his own room.

When I start to open the door and catch a glimpse of the bedroom inside, I give off a strangled cry.

Ruskin is there, his claws out, pupils contracted into narrow slits. A swirl of shadowy magic dances around him as he growls like a wild animal. My blood races as I wonder what’s happening to him—there is almost no trace of Ruskin on his face, instead I’m hit with a wave of feral energy down the bond. My fear spikes, but so does a deep need to help him. I can’t lose this version of Ruskin too. I shove the door open wider and see Maidar standing a few feet from him, a book open in his hands as he chants words in a language I don’t understand.

“What are you doing?” I shout, running forward a few paces and then pulling myself up short. Ruskin’s head swings towards me, his teeth bared, but he doesn’t move. In fact, he seems stuck in place except for the dramatic rise and fall of his chest. He’s panting like he’s run for miles.

Maidar registers me, and when he looks back to Ruskin, he stops chanting, closing the book in his hands. The dark swirl of magic dissipates, and Ruskin nearly falls to the floor, dropping down onto one knee, while his shoulders spasm with effort.

“Ruskin,” I say, anguished, but I resist the urge to dart forward, waiting for him to lift his head. When he does, I see the wildness in his eyes fading and his pupils returning to their normal size. He slowly stands, straightening his clothes.

“Why did you stop?” he asks Maidar, sounding slightly hoarse from his ordeal.

“That’s enough for tonight, Stiltskin. We must be careful not to push you too hard.”

“Push him too hard?” I repeat, appalled. “What was that?”

Maidar looks at me calculatingly, as if trying to decide if I can handle it.

“We are attempting to immerse Ruskin in the darker parts of his subconscious,” he says eventually. “In case his memories were hidden there by the forces of Interra. It so happens that much of his Unseelie side resides there too. The more extreme parts of it can be…provoked, while we’re delving into his subconscious.” He strides over to the chaise scattered with papers and he gathers up scrolls. “Now I’ll leave you to rest,” he says to Ruskin.

“Wait,” Ruskin says. “Let’s try again. I’m not done.”

“Absolutely not,” I say, grabbing the rest of Maidar’s things and helping him out the door. As the old Unseelie steps out into the corridor I catch his arm.

“Promise me he’ll be all right?” I say quietly.

Maidar gives me a reassuring look. “The spell is ended, Eleanor. It will not cause him any more strain, and he’ll be fine with some sleep.”

When I close the door and turn to face Ruskin, he’s glowering at me.

“Don’t give me that look,” I snap, before he can start arguing. “Even Maidar said you shouldn’t be pushing yourself too much.”

“I have to push myself if I’m going to get these memories back. The magic of Interra won’t be easily undone, and wherever my memories have gone, it would be foolish to think it won’t take sacrifice to retrieve them.”

I bristle at his implication that I’m being foolish. “Earlier today you were acting like you didn’t even want them back all that much,” I point out. “You said it wasn’t the priority.”

“That was before,” he says.

“Before what?”

He clenches his jaw as if biting back the answer. But it occurs to me anyway. He means before we kissed. Before I touched him like he was my Ruskin again, and let him touch me. Could it be that moment made him want to remember? That he got a glimpse then, of what we’d lost? My heart aches at the thought, and I want to go to him, wrap my arms around him, and fill him with that feeling all over again. But he’s already turned away, looking into the mirror by the dresser.

I sigh, trying to calm the storm of feelings inside me.

“Is it dangerous, this thing you’re doing with Maidar?”

“In some ways. We are delving into parts of myself it seems I was not familiar with even before I lost my memories. Dabbling with one’s identity will always be complicated.”

“You didn’t always accept your Unseelie side before,” I say with understanding. “It makes sense that you might have buried parts of it.”

He nods, seeming pleased I understand. “That’s what Maidar says. He remembers me as a boy, often struggling with how I was different to the other Seelie. I eventually learned to hide that discomfort. When we delved into my unconscious and found that side was brought out, he was encouraged. He seems to think that my memories could well be locked away with that part of me.”