Page 61

But that’s what scares me.

Because I know I’m capable of all of it. No limits. No conscience. No hesitation.

The truth? My morality died a long time ago.

Cassie’s the only thing that keeps me tethered to whatever’s left of my soul.

“You really fucked me up, Mother,” I murmur. “Do you regret it now? You said you didn’t. You looked me in the eye and said you didn’t regret betraying Father. Didn’t regret falling in love with another man. But did you ever stop to think about what that did to me? What it meant for your son?”

My voice stays low, steady—but it’s laced with bitterness.

“To grow up surrounded by men who looked at me like I didn’t belong. Like I wasn’t my father’s son. Like I was just a living reminder of your sin.”

There’s no answer. I don’t expect one. I asked her these same questions the last time I saw her. And she said nothing then either. Just tears and silence. But not a single goddamn apology.

That’s why I pulled the trigger. That’s why she’s been missing all these years.

Not on her.

I couldn’t.

No matter how much pain she caused me, I couldn’t kill the woman who gave me life. I tried, God, I tried, but I couldn’t do it. Even monsters have limits, and maybe that was mine.

They all think I did it. That I killed her. That I’m the devil who put a bullet in his own mother. Maybe I am a monster… but not for that. I’m a monster for letting her live. For letting her walk away with her betrayal untouched. For letting her breathe when the man she chose over our family did not.

That man thought he could take my father's place in her bed, in our family, I made sure he never breathed again.

But… as for my mother… she got away that night. I let her. Not out of mercy.

Out of weakness. Or maybe it was love. Twisted. Bleeding. Damned.

She’s still my biggest regret. Letting her go. Letting her leave me to piece together the shards of a life she shattered. That night didn’t cleanse me—it just stripped away what little innocence I had left. I was reborn in blood. Not hers, but close enough to stain me forever.

What’s really fucked up is even though I let her go, if I saw her today, I’d let her go again and again. That’s the sort of sick shit I have to deal with.

Luca stands a few feet behind me, silent as always. He’s seen me like this more times than I can count. I sometimes wonder what he thinks. If he judges me. Or if he understands—like he always has. Most people wouldn’t justify killing a man over a mother’s betrayal.

But in our world, loyalty is everything.

And she broke it.

We’re back at the house by 8am after our early morning visit to the cemetery. It still feels cold, like the chill came back with me. A chill I doubt I’ll ever shake.

I follow the sound of laughter towards the kitchen. It’s warm, the exact kind of warmth I need at the moment. I find Renata there of course, with Cassie and Sofia who have taken to spending a lot of time together in the past couple of days since the wedding. According to my baby sister, her sister in law ‘isn’t so bad.’ I’m glad that they’ve bonded.

But it has taken Cassie’s attention off me a little. I’ve been busy with work so we haven’t had much time to spend to each other. Which is ridiculous considering we’re newlyweds.

“Hey, big brother,” Sofia greets, noticing me first standing at the doorway into the kitchen.

“Good morning,” I say gruffly, walking further inside.

My eyes meet Cassie’s and she offers me a small smile. We’re miles ahead of where our relationship was when she first got here. And somehow still stagnant at the same time. She looks beautiful as always. Her hair is in a short messy ponytail and she’s wearing a little pink top and blue shorts that I wish she wouldn’t wear around the house, especially with my men walking about.

It’s a great view, one that should only be mine. But if I make a fuss about it, she’ll probably only wear those shorts to prove a point. I only pick battles I know I’ll win.

“Breakfast will be ready in thirty minutes,” Renata informs me from her position in front of the oven.

I nod in acknowledgment, noticing Sofia’s piercing, inquisitive gaze.