Page 55

“This. Is. Idiotic.”

Say it with confidence, believe it, change is a good thing, the sun always comes after the rain, there is always a happy ending.

There was a knock on the door.

Jesus. For once, Pen stayed silent. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t deal with not donating to Sarah Hanson’s charity of the week, she couldn’t deal with Moira’s kids, she couldn’t referee a fight between Lucy and Mr. Gupta, she couldn’t even talk pre-school with Elspeth.

The knock came again.

Pen froze in place.

“Pen, it’s me,” said a voice from outside. There was a pause. “I know you’re in there.”

Ash. Against her will, Pen’s heart started to beat harder, her mouth started to dry, she wanted to let Ash in.

“Pen, I can hear you yelling ‘this is idiotic’ to yourself,” Ash said.

With a groan, Pen went to the door and unlocked it. “You didn’t have to tell me that part,” she said. “Now I look like I’m crazy.”

“We’ve all got a little crazy in us,” said Ash, leaning against the doorframe. “Can I come inside?”

Pen nodded and stood back. Ash came in, closing the door behind her and then, after a second of thought, locking it too.

“I’m sorry,” Ash said. “That conversation we just had was… not a good one.”

“It wasn’t,” Pen said. “And I’m sorry too.”

Ash shrugged. “When two people are as different as you and I, there are bound to be disagreements and miscommunications, that’s how life works.”

Pen nodded slowly. “I, uh, I have no right telling you what to do about the bookshop. You’re right, I don’t want you to leave, but I promise that’s not the only reason I said what I said.”

“I get it,” Ash said. “I get that you want all this to work out, that living next door to each other and loving each other and selling books and buns together is some kind of idyllic dream. I can see it myself sometimes. But I also see the reality of things, and the reality is that life just isn’t that way. It doesn’t come that easily. We have to work for things.”

Pen sighed. “I know. You’re right. And you’re honest and want to do the right thing.”

Ash held on to the back of one of the chairs. “I do want to do the right thing. For everyone. About everything. I’ve definitely got feelings for you, Pen and I’m not running away from them.Even if I have to go and live in Argentina, I’ll still have feelings for you.”

“Argentina?” Pen asked. “Why Argentina? Is that a possibility?”

Ash grinned. “No, not really. It was just the first place that came to mind. I think I’m just saying that even if the dreams don’t all come true, I’m still willing to put the work in?”

“Right,” Pen said. She found that she was smiling. “That works for me. I suppose I could use someone to keep me a little… grounded.”

“And I could use someone to teach me how to dream a little bit,” Ash said. “So maybe we’re good for each other.”

“I think that’s how it’s supposed to work,” Pen said. She looked at Ash. “At least if you believe the grumpy-sunshine and opposites-attract books that you’ll find on the shelf to the right of the counter.”

“Huh, maybe I should read some more of those,” said Ash. “You know, it turns out that romance books actually have quite a lot going for them.”

“They do,” Pen said. “Mary always said it was like selling dreams. You’ll know that by now, of course, she said it so often she must have written it down everywhere.”

Ash frowned. “Written it down? You know, now that you say that, I don’t think I’ve seen more than a telephone number or shopping list written by Mary.”

“No, no,” said Pen. “She kept one of those line a day journals. Except most of the time she couldn’t just write a line a day, she added little sticky notes to each day and folded them over so she’d have more room. George used to tease her about buying an actual journal.”

“Where did she keep it?” Ash asked.

“Um, under the phone in the shop. The big green book at the counter, you must have seen it.”