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Lucille bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from crying. She said in a thick voice, “Me too.”

“Do you think—”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“No, say it.”

“Do you think we’ll ever be okay?”

Lucille paused for a long time. Did Rennie expect everything to go back to normal? Was she looking for reassurance? Didn’t they both know the answer to that question? Lucille didn’t know how things could ever change. The school counselor had told her it would get better as time went on. But she was also becoming aware that the more time passed, the further she got from Ada, and that thought terrified her too. She settled on something that she knew would comfort her sister, but it came out sounding hollow. “I’m sure we will be.”

Rennie whispered, “Do you ever see Ada?”

Lucille’s eyes flew open. “What do you mean?”

“I keep seeing her. She keeps appearing. I saw her when we were home for break. And I just saw her today.”

Lucille started to feel numb. “Okay,” she said slowly. Her hands were tingling. “Rennie. What were you doing at this party?”

“I was just—”

“Did you take something?”

“I—”

“You took something.”

“This wasn’t tonight,” Rennie said. “This was the other night. When I was coming back from rehearsal. I wasn’t taking anything but sleeping pills, I swear.”

“Sleeping pills?” Lucille’s voice rose. “Are youserious?”

“I can’t—sleep.It helps.”

“You’re taking fucking sleeping pills?” Lucille felt hysterical. “After what happened with Dad?” She whirled around and shook her sister by the arms. The color drained from Rennie’s face. “Listen to me. This isn’t normal. You’ve been hallucinating. You are going crazy. You need to quit whatever you’re taking,right now.” She felt her chest constrict, but she pushed through. “Or you’ll end up like him.”

She saw the moment her words sank in, and she felt monstrous. Rennie’s face crumpled and she broke from Lucille’s grip.

Lucille swallowed and dropped her hands. “I didn’t mean it like that. You know that.”

Rennie was clearly trying very hard not to cry. She said in a small voice, “Okay.”

It was the truth, Lucille told herself, even as she watched Rennie’s lonely figure move down the freezing halls. It was cruel, but there was no other way to say it. She couldn’t lose her little sister, too.

thirty-six

AUGUST 2024

DAY 7 IN THE HOUSE

RENNIEdreamed that she stood above the garden, on the last stair of the terrace. A deep chill cut into the air. The stone was cold beneath her bare feet. A figure clad in white was hunched over among the rosebushes.

Rennie stepped down. Without thinking, she walked over sharp gravel and dirt, over grass still warm from the daytime sun. Gingerly, she asked, “What are you looking for?”

That’s when she realized the figure wasn’t digging. She was yanking the rosebushes out by the fountain. Tearing them out by the roots with such vicious force that clods of dirt still matted to the stems.

“Ma!” she cried out. “What are you doing?”