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There’s a defiance in her voice I don’t get, like she’s trying to back me into something.

But I don’t know what. And that frustrates the hell out of me.

“He had a gun. Lucie. I’d told him I’d let him live for your sake as long as he didn’t touch you or your mom, sister, or brother, if he never came near you again, but he did. He fucking pulled a gun on you. So I killed him. For you.”

A tear slides down her cheek and it breaks me.

“I know you hate me, Lucie. Consequences, right? But I did it to save you.”

She doesn’t say a word, just makes a sound like a sob. I cross the room to get to her, gently wiping the tears away.

Touching her is like the spark I’ve been lacking. It’s like she’s my beating heart, the compassion I never had. She’s life. And I hurt her.

She should never forgive me for that.

I know I can’t forgive myself.

“You should hate me, Lucie, just like you do. And you shouldn’t ever forgive me. I can’t forgive myself for hurting you, but please know I killed him because if he had the chance to pull that trigger, you could have died. And I can’t bear to think of life without you, Lucie.”

“Cal…”

I want to close my eyes, but I don’t. I make myself meet her gaze as I brush my thumb over her lips, taking in how she’s healed, and at the same time, how much I’ve broken her.

“I hate that I’ve done this to you. But Lucie, I love you. I fell in love with you. How could I not? You’re the weirdest lass I’ve met. You fascinate me. You’re brave and sweet and smart and fierce. You push all my buttons and I let you. The only one. No one walks over me like you. I love you, with everything I am.”

She pushes me away. “You still didn’t come for me.”

“I knew where you were. I didn’t have to.” I step closer again and take her by the arms. Lucie tries to rip free, but now that my hands are on her, I can’t let her go. I won’t.

“You didn’t call.”

“You scare me, Lucie. You with your gorgeous legs and smart mouth. You scare me to death. You make me so vulnerable. And I know hating me is right. I killed your father. We can’t come back from that.”

She’s silent. So I kiss her. It’s a risk because I don’t know if she’ll punch me.

It’s also a goodbye, even though I want it to be a new start.

My pulse jumps when she kisses me back, soft and sweet, tasting like my Lucie, like coffee, like sugar.

I know I can seduce her, the spark of attraction between us still burns bright, but I don’t. I slowly break the kiss, and then I start working up the willpower to walk away.

“I hate you for letting me go.”

I go utterly still.

“The thing is, Cal, I hated my father. He wasn’t nice to me. And you saved me. I tried to save you both, and instead, I put you in the position of killing him.”

“No, no, you didn’t.” I take a breath. “Can we leave him out of this?”

“If he was a man I truly loved, then I don’t know how we’dcome back from that, but he wasn’t. He was awful to me. And I think you’d have taken his bullet if it came down to it. You’d have saved me. I know that.” She sighs. “It’s okay. You’re absolved. You can go.”

I frown, my heart squeezing tight. “Did you hear me? I said I love you.”

“You don’t have to say it.”

“Do you know me at all, Lucie Joy? I don’t say fucked-up shit like that unless I mean it. I’m in love with you. In fact, I’m so in love with you it’s pathetic, and I’m ninety-nine percent sure Seamus and Torin are planning to murder me if I don’t sort things out. Help a guy out, please.”

She looks at me. “Say it again.”