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Story: The Loneliest Number

“Because I think it’s leading to more. I don’t want more.” I stare down at the floor, feeling cowardly for not looking him straight in the eyes. That alone tells me I’m in too deep with him. I would usually have no compunction in laying my boundaries down. But there’s a part inside me that wants to please him–that doesn’t want to hurt or disappoint him.

“What’s wrong with more, Pixie?” His use of the nickname softens the question, and I have to dig down to find the courage to look at him this time.

“Usually nothing, for most people, Cam. But it’s not for me. I’m far better off by myself. It’s always been this way, and I don’t need anything else.”

“I don’t want to pressure you. But I don’t want to lose you either. You’re…” it’s his turn to hesitate, “… you’re special to me.”

“I think we should both take a breather.” I’m proud of the calmness in my tone. He heaves a weighty sigh and is quiet for a moment.

“I think you’re running scared.” He leans across the desk, staring me down with a glint in his eye. “And I can’t decide if it’s best to back off and give you your space or push you.” It’s like he’s thinking aloud, mulling over his options.Do I want him to push?

“Do you still want to go to Skye?” His change of topic confuses me, but I go with it because it’s easier than talking about feelings.

“Yes, I want to visit, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea for us to do that together.”

“I need to head up next week for a meeting in Glasgow and another on Skye. You are more than welcome to come. We could go as friends. It doesn’t have to be anything more serious than that.”

My first instinct is to refuse, even though I’m eager to visit. My desire to see him in that environment makes me even more certain the only answer can be no.

“I think it’s time I spoke to my great aunt and see if I can get some answers about The Juniper and the letter. The date on the letter is really bugging me.” There’s a scratchy sound as he rubs his hand against his beard, concern marring his face.

I want to reach my hand across and hold his on the desk, to give him a show of support in some way. I sit on it instead. And the other one too.

I turn the idea of going with him over in my mind, my usual decisiveness failing me. Surely it’s better to avoid him completely, but perhaps a couple of days away as friends could be the definitive end to whatever thismorething is between us. Maybe I could go with him to Skye, support him while he tries to solve this mystery, help him find his answers asjusta friend. It doesn’t have to mean more than that. And it will be a good opportunity to see if we can be friends.

“I’ll need to check with Tom and see if I can get cover for my shifts. When are you going?” I ask.

“I have a meeting in Glasgow on Wednesday morning, and I need to set up another on Skye. We could fly up Wednesday, first thing. Then drive to Skye after my meeting. Come back on Friday, as long as I can arrange a meeting with my great aunt.”

“Let me see if I can make it work with the bar. If so, I’ll come.” I offer him a tentative smile, and his answering one has my butterflies looping round in my belly. “If I can’t make it, you should still go and see your aunt,” I tell him.

“Aye, maybe. Let’s see if you can come and take it from there.” He gives a satisfied rap on the desk with his knuckles before standing up to his full height, towering above me.

“You’re filthy,” I tell him, spotting even more dust and dirt on him than when he first arrived.

“I thought that was how you liked me, Pixie.” He steps round the desk, shucking my chin with his fingertips. I gaze up at him, captivated by the look on his face, like he wants to spread me on Tom’s desk and devour me. “Tell me, if I stay filthy and avoid affection, would you keep playing with me?”

I want to say something snarky back. But my mind comes up blank. “I don’t know. Maybe.” It’s the best I can manage.

“I had to come from work to check you were okay. I’m glad you are, but I don’t appreciate being ignored.” He presses his lips together and steps back, closer to the door. His tone changing from teasing to stern makes my pulse quicken. “Text me when you’ve cleared it with the boss. Then I’ll get the flights booked.”

I nod. I can use some of the cash I have stashed at home to pay him back.

“I’d tell you to be good, but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen, is it?” he says with resignation as he opens the door. I stay sat for a moment, trying to get my head around what’s happened. How did I go from avoiding him to pretty much agreeing to going away with him?What am I doing?

I hear the murmur of conversation between Tom and Cam, but can’t make out what they’re saying, and when I head back to the bar, Cam’s slipping back out the door.

“All sorted?” Tom asks from his position behind the bar, polishing the glasses just as I was before Cam arrived.

I stare at him, my eyes narrowed. “What’s your game, Tom?”

He shrugs, but the twinkle in his eyes gives him away. “No game, Abs. Just got the feeling you two had some stuff to sort out.”

I huff but refuse to answer him. And make a mental note to have a word with Cassidy and see what she’s been telling him about my sex life.

Chapter twenty-seven

Cam