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He flinched, as if I’d slapped him. But I wasn’t saying it to punish him. I was coming to terms with the truth of it.

“I guess what hurts the most is that you knew me so little. We’d known each other our entire lives. But, yeah, we didn’t know each other intimately. We were only together a few months.”

The best months of my life. But who was counting?

His eyes got very bright and shiny, though he said steadily. “I’m so sorry, Caz.”

He meant it with all his heart. As he had on Thursday, on Friday, on Saturday. How manysorryswould it take to fill that well inside me?

I said haltingly, “But here’s the thing. This is what’skillingme. I still love you. Even when I hated you, I loved you. And I don’t see that ever changing.”

He closed his eyes like I had said something beyond bearing.

“I know what you’re saying. It’s true. You can’t be with someone, share their life, who you can’t forgive. That would end up destroying both of us.”

He nodded painfully. “Yeah. It would.”

I drew in a long, shaky breath. “But Idoforgive you. That’s the part you don’t seem to understand. I’m not saying it doesn’t still hurt. But I can accept that you did the wrong things for the right reasons. That, for you, it was never about whether you…loved me or not…” My voice was wobbling like I’d had a blow-out. You could practically hear the flap-flap-flap of my heart. “If you don’t feel the same, that’s a whole different thing…”

Raleigh’s face came back to life. He wrapped his arms around me so tightly, I gasped. “I’vealwaysloved you, Caz. Even when you were a happy-go-lucky goofball back in junior high, I thought you were the cutest, sweetest guy in the world. That’s never going to change.”

“Then why can’t we work this out? IfIcan forgive you, what the hell sense does it make for you to refuse to forgive yourself? Especially, when it means hurting memore. I mean, I don’t get it, Raleigh. I really don’t.”

He looked confused.

“If you really don’t care enough to try and work through this—”

“You know that’s not what I’m saying,” he protested.

“Then I don’t know what youaresaying. All I know is, I love you. And if you walk out that door, you’re going to break my heart for the second time. And it’s so goddamnedunnecessary. Don’t I deserve alittlehappiness?”

“Of course you do. You deserve…all the happiness in the world.”

“Then why can’t you pay your penance, or whatever it is you think you have to do, by trying to make me happy? Why doIhave to be part of your noble sacrifice? Haven’t we learnedanything? Couldn’t we try to spend the rest of our lives making eachotherhappy?”

He looked bewildered.

“Caz, is that really what you what?” He sounded doubtful, shaken. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. That’s what I’m saying.Yes.” I gave up on words and kissed him, kissed him with all the pent-up longing and yearning and aching I’d tried for so long to smother, ignore, forget—and, after a startled instant, he kissed me back, hungrily, tenderly, lovingly. Yes, lovingly.

“I love you so much,” he whispered. “I don’t see why I should get rewarded— ” He kissed me again, softly, sweetly, remorsefully.

When I got my breath back, I murmured, “I’m not saying I won’t bring up sending me to jail the next time you tell me I’ve got something wrong—” I jumped as Freyja poked an inquisitive nose into other people’s business.

Raleigh laughed unsteadily, held me tighter.