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Fucking fuck.

“Sasha, what the hell is your problem ? What do you even want?”

“I don’t fucking know !” he shouted, spinning to face me, hands thrown up in frustration, his gaze dark. “I want her to disappear! I want her to stay close to me! Sometimes I want to strangle her just to shut her up, and sometimes I want to—”

He stopped abruptly, shutting his eyes before turning away, rubbing his face. I sighed and stood up. Sasha began adjusting a chair around the meeting table—moving it, replacing it, over and over again.

“Sasha.”

I grabbed his shoulder to pull him back, but he shoved me off, throwing me a glare. And my patience wore thin. I loved my brother, I tried to understand him, but his behavior, his attitude—it was jeopardizing everything I was trying to build. Everything I wanted for myself. For Selina. For Rafael. For my sons.

I grabbed the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the glass window, “for the first time in my life, I’m trying to build something for myself, Sasha. For the first time,” I grit out, jaw tight, as he stood there, unmoving. “I won’t let you destroy it. Not when everything is already so damn complicated,moybrat.”

I released him and stepped back, cursing under my breath.

Calm down, Nikolai.

Calm.

“Nikolai,” Sasha called, but I didn’t look at him. I sat back down, eyes on the floor, but I caught him approaching from the corner of my eye.

“I’ll be careful,moybrat,” he said, grabbing his phone from the desk, he exhaled, glancing at the door. “It’s time for you to think about your happiness too.”

And with that, he walked out of the room.

Blayt.

The next morning, I pushed the door open with my elbow, trying not to spill the soup on the tray, and stepped into the boys’ bedroom. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight before me—all my world sprawled across the beds, which had been pushed together to create one big sleeping space. Selina was lying in the middle, with Andrei and Rafael to her right, Alexei and Mikhail to her left. All of them were sick, their noses red, dark circles under their eyes, yet they were laughing and chatting as if nothing were wrong.

“What’s so funny ?” I asked, closing the door with my foot as they all turned to look at me. In that moment, the regret I’d felt over my altercation with Sasha lightened just a bit. I would have fought the entire world if it meant I could have that view every day—minus the illness, of course.

“Andrei almost got his pee-pee bitten by a mosquito while peeing in the forest!” Rafael exclaimed, laughing before bursting into a coughing fit.

“Easy,Angelomio,” Selina soothed, rubbing his back. Thank God she wasn’t as sick as the kids, so she could still manage their whims.

I set the tray down on the dresser and grabbed the bag of medicine the doctor had prescribed an hour earlier. When Rafael and Alexei had started vomiting during the night, we’d known this illness was inevitable. I pulled up the desk chair near the bed and handed the tray to Selina, who set it on her lap before picking up one of the bowls. Since the kids were still feeling nauseous, we were keeping their meals light. I started feeding Rafael and Andrei while Selina handed a bowl to Mikhail, who quietly started his soup, then helped Alexei.

“I don’t like soup. I want a burger, Dad,” Andrei pouted.

Ever since Selina had entered our lives, my relationship with my sons had been improving. Things were still a bit complicated with Mikhail, but now, more than ever, I had hope.

“Sorry, buddy. You’ll get your burger once you’re better,” I said, ruffling his hair. He sighed before opening his mouth for another spoonful.

“Can we play a card game later ?” Alexei asked, looking at Selina. She glanced at me with a teasing smile.

“Only if your father agrees to play,” she said, full of challenge. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Don’t come crying later,Solnychko,” I warned, feeding another spoonful to Rafael.

“Are you underestimating me, Mr. Ivanov ?” she grinned, and it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

“Never. How could I dare, Miss Floros ?”

She laughed, and the boys watched our exchange with fascination.

“We want to play too !” Andrei crossed his arms, while Rafael nodded eagerly, making us laugh even more.

Later, I headed downstairs, still smiling at the way Selina had shrieked when she’d won the last round. At first, I’d let her win a few hands, but once she realized I was doing it on purpose, she threatened to ban me from the room. So I gave it my all in the last three rounds, only to be completely defeated in the final hand.

I stopped at the entrance to the living room when I saw Elif pacing restlessly while Grigori sat on the couch, phone pressed to his ear. Sasha had left early that morning, so I hadn’t seen him—he’d had an early meeting.