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As I slip a finger beneath the wax seal, I hold my breath.
I don’t know what I’m going to find in the letter. I doubt that Dad ever thought that this was the way I would be getting married.
Yes, it’s to a woman I love, but there’s still a war going on in my mind about how much I’m allowed to love her.
Xander,
If you’re reading this letter, it means Atticus did his job, which is good.
On the other hand, if you’re getting the letter, it means I’m dead and not there to give it to you myself, which kind of puts a damper on the mood, don’t you think?
Now, if I know you, you’re sitting alone and panicking, wondering how to do your job — whatever that may be now — while also being a husband.
I’m not going to lie and tell you that it’s easy, because it’s not. You and your wife are going to have to work on your relationship every day, and to be honest with you, sometimes love isn’t going to be enough.
Your mom and I had our issues during the first couple years of marriage. There were days when I didn’t know if we were going to make it through, but we learned that the most important thing is to be there for each other and to reconnect every single day.
Of course, there are going to be times when you may not be able to be there for your wife, but you make time for her, and she makes time for you.
There’s a way to make room for everything in your life, but you have to know what your priorities are.
And if you haven’t figured it out for yourself, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
I would’ve put your mother before anything else in this world and the next. Including the crown.
She was the person who made me feel like I could be myself. She loved me for who I was and not what I did or what I would do as king.
I loved her, and I would’ve given it all up if I had to just to be with her.
I hope you feel the same way about your wife.
I hope you know that nothing is ever going to be greater than the love you share for each other. Not work, or the crown, or the family you had before.
If you’re marrying a woman your entire world doesn’t orbit around, then I’m going to have to tell you that you’re doing something wrong.
Marry the sun, Xander.
Life isn’t worth living if you don’t have someone to risk everything for.
Love,
Dad.
I take a deep breath and read the letter again through blurred vision.
Dad never told me about the fights between him and Mom or the days when they felt like calling it off. They were together fordecades, and I never knew that things were rough for them in the beginning.
Not as rough as faking an engagement or making his sun believe that he didn’t love her.
I set the letter to one side, burying my face in my hands. I’ve done a great job at pushing Amy away. The last several weeks have been spent trying to convince her that I didn’t love her. That nothing was ever going to happen between us.
Too much time was wasted thinking about what I would do if I had to choose between the crown and her.
From the beginning, I’ve known that I would choose her.
It didn’t sit right with me — not until I read Dad’s letter.
A king is supposed to put his people before everything and everyone else, and I’ve always known that I could never be that kind of man.