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It’s a punch to the gut every single time.
No, I don’t want to relive it.
I’ve lived a good life keeping everyone at a distance. Not letting anyone get too close.
Anyone but Gabe.
“You don’t have to,” she adds, pressing her hand to my chest. “But I’m happy to listen.”
Peace washes through me, cleansing me from the inside out. Is it that simple?
No pressure. Just someone willing to listen. The epitome of support and being there. A quiet, comforting solace that doesn’t make demands may be the best gift someone could offer.
Katherine makes it easy, effortless, to crack open my ribs and let her into my heart.
“Her name was Courtney. She was my bratty little sister, and I loved her like crazy.”
Katherine’s arms tighten at my waist, giving me comfort and silently encouraging me to continue.
“She is one of my first memories. This beautiful little baby was in my mom’s arms, and my dad was telling me I had to be a good big brother and keep an eye on her.”
I haven’t thought about that in years. My throat tightens, and it takes several deep breaths before I can continue. “She always gave as good as she got, though. We used to play video games and bicker about everything under the sun. She was kind but sassy, and I loved teasing her.”
“Such a brother,” Katherine says, a smile in her voice.
“I was.” I loved being a brother. Having a built-in friend.
Happy memories come flooding back. Our first sailboat ride in Nantucket. How she decided that she was going to run the marathon with Mom, but she was far too young, so we cheered at the finish line instead. The utter joy on her face the first time she ever rode a pony.
But those happy memories give way to the saddest moment of my life, and my chest aches. I close my eyes, wishing for the millionth time that things were different.
But if I could go back and change things, would I be where I am now? Would I have leaned on Gabe? Would we have remained close?
I can’t imagine my life without him.
Would I have started my company?
Would I have met Katherine?
Suddenly, I’m not so quick to want to go back in time. Which is crazy. I should want to go back and save my sister. To go running with her so she wouldn’t have been alone on that trail. Right?
“Courtney was murdered during her evening jog. We lived in one of the safest parts of Boston, but?—”
It wasn’t enough. Evil doesn’t respect boundaries.
“I’m so sorry.”
That’s it. That’s all it takes to cleave me wide and let all the pain come rushing back, making me ache like I haven’t ached in years.
The second guessing, the anger, it’s all right there. Tangible. Strangling me.
“Breathe.”
Katherine’s quiet order jars me out of the retrospection, and I take a ragged breath.
She leans away from me, turning to rest a hand on each of my shoulders. “There you go. That’s better. Oxygen is good for you.”
Her humor lightens the moment, and I cup her cheek. How can she look at me like I’m her hero when I’ve failed so desperately in the past?