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“I don’t like artificial flavors of anything. No fruity gummy bears of chewy stuff, especially not after living in Europe for most of the last year. I’m a chocolate snob now,” I laugh and take a turn pushing the cart.

When we’re at the checkout, Reggie slips three of those solid Swiss chocolate bars (the only concession to European chocolate in the store) into the cart.

Observant. Thoughtful. Doesn’t even mention it.

Once we’re in the car with the AC cranked, I give Reggie a long look. It’s none of my business to say what I’m about to say. Matteo’s mantra was “That’s my business, baby” (always said in a very affectionate way) when I tried to ask questions or make suggestions about his work or his habits. I have no real right to say anything to Reggie anyway because I’m not his wife, I’m his assignment.

I guess he makes me feel comfortable because the words tumble free. I scoot higher up in my seat, bare shoulders on the warm leather. “Sometimes it’s more polite to be silent. It’s none of my business,” I muse aloud, hoping he’ll take the bait.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Oh, just something I noticed about you. Something I think you’re wrong about. But it’s not my place to say.”

“Oh, don’t do that. This week is going to drag if either of us does that thing where we stop talking because it would be more ‘polite’ not to.”

Challenge accepted. “Fine. You said you couldn’t be in a relationship. Wouldn’t be good as anything more than a friend. I disagree. In a single day—I disagree. You would be a wonderful boyfriend. This thing about being a beast who needs to be loved first? I don’t know about that, but you have so many things that women want—it would be hard to resist falling for someone like you.”

“Well, that’s very kind, but—”

“No, you said I could talk, so I’m talking. I avoided dating for a long time because I knew what qualities I wanted in a man. Then, I was married for a year, and I got to test out my theories about love and relationships. If I’d have been smart...” I sigh. “If I hadn’t been so scared I wouldn’t get another chance at a guy like Matteo or that he’d change his mind and decide he didn’t want a small town, tiny bank account type girl like me, I would have tested those theories outbeforemarrying him. We would have dated for a year. Or at least six months.”

Reggie's eyes never leave the road. The broad shoulders that make my mouth water are stiff. “You learned your lesson, huh? Not plunging in again.”

That’s a loaded question, and he doesn’t even ask it. He says it like a statement.

“Ordinarily, I would say yes. Maybe if I were smarter, I’d say yes. But I learned a whole lot in a short time.” A bitter chuckle escapes me, and I focus on the streets and buildings zipping past. Soon, I won’t get to be a passenger anymore. That’s anotherthing I’ll miss, just going for a drive with someone. Soon, I’ll be driving solo—if I even leave my house.

“Teri?”

“Sorry, I drifted into my own head. I would plunge in again with the right kind of man. He’d have to be one I was totally confident in. Otherwise, I’d be afraid of making the same mistakes.” I’m not afraid of diving in deep with Reggie. But I can’t tell him that.

“I said this wouldn’t work if we didn’t talk, so now it’s my turn to say something. To ask something that’s none of my business.”

“Shoot,” I chuckle, lightly brushing my hand against his arm.

“How am I stacking up? To you? In spite of my abysmal track record of zero relationships—which is unlikely to change any time soon... I guess I’m just curious, and you’re probably the first and last person who can tell me if I’m ‘plunge-worthy.’”

I can’t tell him—unless he asks me point blank. I pull my hair off my neck and twist it into a ponytail to buy a few seconds. “One, you don’t have an abysmal track record. Not being able to have a relationship isn’t the same thing as failing at them or being bad at them. Did you ever try?”

Reggie’s stiff shoulders flex. “In a way. I never pushed it because... the hunger I felt was hollow. Without substance. Without the ability to fully return what I hoped would be given.”

“So you waited because you didn’t want to hurt anyone. That was smart.Ilied to myself and rushed even when I had a lot of questions about how life with Matteo would work out after a year of glitz and glamor. I didn’t want to be a hick-town stage mother, but I didn’t plan to be a traveling honeymooner forever, either.” I twist my fingers in my lap, realizing I still have to answer his question. “Two, you stack up incredibly well so far. I learned that it wasn’t the big things like money and travel. They’re nice, butthey don’t complete the picture. Like any good picture, you need lots of tiny details... and you’re very good with the details.”

I close my eyes after my speech. Probably said too much—and I don’t care. Look at my life. I’m living one kind of lie and about to live a longer one. My conversations with Reggie are probably the last ones I’ll have where I can be truly honest.

I am out of fucks to give.

“You stack up really,reallywell. Especially to me.” I reach over and put my hand next to him, palm up.

He takes it.

Chapter Ten

Teri is smart. So smart. I don’t just mean booksmart or college smart. I mean that she summed up everything that’s been circling in my heart in the space of one conversation.

One—I don’t have a bad track record in relationships. I havenorecord. I thought of that as a failure, but Therese thinks of it as discerning. Like having a clean slate.

She thinks I’m boyfriend material—which is a bit backwards since I’m pretending to be husband material, but that’s fake. Her words were real. Her hand in mine? That’s real too. The little house we’re now arriving at, with its overgrown neighboring lawns and the sun hitting the headstones in a lazy way... It could all be real.