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While he was going to law school, I was doing shots in Cabo on a stranger’s yacht, backpacking Machu Picchu, and heli-skiing in Canada with some people I met surfing. While he was getting a Big Boy job and starting a 401K, I was making ends meet waitressing and picking up odd jobs like working on pot farms during harvest months.

“It was a fucking nightmare getting you into this place, Mia. You have no idea the convincing I had to?—”

“So, uh, you looked pretty cozy with your therapist in the car. You guys were all whispers and cuddles most of the drive.”

What I don’t understand—can’t understand—is why neither of them simply told me. Did Leo think my treatment would suffer if I knew he was friends with my brother? Would it have suffered?

Probably.

But why keep it from me after the fact? Does Jameson know I’ve been dating and sleeping with Leo for almost two months? Does Kevin know? And where the fuck does Kevin come into this scenario?

My phone started blowing up as soon as Nix and I reached the car. After reading the first few desperate, pleading texts from Leo, I turned the device off and gave it to Nix. It was either that or put it under the back tire to be destroyed. When Kinsey slipped into the passenger seat minutes later, she didn’t speak, just nodded at Nix, who put the car in gear and got us out of there.

I don’t know what Leo told her. She brought it up when we got back to her place, but I shook my head and walked from the room. Though a part of me wants to devour whatever explanations might be waiting, the rest of me is too angry to listen.

“Tell me a secret.”

“What kind of secret?”

“Your biggest one.”

“I don’t think so.”

Of course, what hurts the most is the proof that Leo isn’t who I thought he was—someone I trusted implicitly, someone I believed in with all my heart. The last weeks weren’t perfect like I thought. They were built on a cracked foundation. As I embraced and reveled in the transparency of our intimacy, he was the one wearing a mask.

“You’re a very good liar, but you’d do well to remember I’m a better one.”

He is a better liar.

The best.

44

BIRD’S-EYE VIEW

I want to quit my job and move far, far away.

God, how I want to run.

But it’s Christmas Eve. My dad and Jessica will be crushed if I no-show for dinner.

Kinsey and Nix are still sleeping when I find my phone attached to a charger in the kitchen. Ignoring the notifications, I order an Uber. Ten minutes later, I head outside, my phone remaining on the counter next to a note telling them I’ll check in later.

At home, I find Ferdi curled on my comforter. I lie beside him and stroke his ears, his purrs vibrating through my fingers. Tears slip from my eyes as I realize how much I love the little beast.

“I’m getting you a collar for Christmas,” I whisper into his fur. “Don’t leave me, Ferdi.”

He mewls and begins sandpapering my chin with his tongue. His breath is horrendous, but his spontaneous affection makes up for it. Cat therapy for the win.

I shower. Get dressed. Drink tea and manage to stomach a piece of toast. I finish wrapping Dad’s and Jessica’s presents. I even wrap the gift I picked up for Jameson yesterday. Right now I may want to cover him in honey and throw a beehive at him, but he’s still my brother.

Packing everything in mismatched shopping bags, I kiss Ferdi goodbye and grab my coat and keys. Then I realize I don’t have a phone. Hailing a cab in L.A. doesn’t really happen unless you’re outside a nightclub at closing time.

Thankfully, the third neighbor whose front door I accost is home. Twenty minutes later, I’m in the back of a cab that smells like day-old Chinese food. I really need to get a car.

Or move to New York City. Or maybe Paris or Amsterdam.

By the time I’m dropped off at Dad’s, the sun is setting. The house sparkles with hundreds of professionally strung lights. Palm trees boast alternating red and white strands and a massive, blow-up Santa wavers on the front lawn.