Page 91

“If you’ll allow me to speak candidly?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I’ve been stationed here for a very long time. I’ve seen many people come and go in a matter of hours. He never lets them stay. It used to be my job to ease their souls when they exited.” He sighs before he continues. “Aedonaeus reminds me of his father. They’re both intense. They’re both well intentioned, but they’re also both plagued with an endless obsession. I’m afraid you’re the object of his.”

“He’s mine,” I blurt out defensively. Shit.

Sam’s eyebrows raise with understanding. “Then why do you seem unwell?”

I could tell him nothing, but I want to test this conversation on someone before I go and fuck my life up. Sam is faithful to Aedon, but he’s also discreet, and he strikes me as wise. He’s the perfect person to talk to.

“May I speak candidly?” I ask.

“Of course, Ms. Josephine.”

"Please, call me Josie."

"Josie," he smiles.

“Have you ever been in love?”

“Oh, no, ma’am. That wasn’t my Destiny.” There it is again. Destiny.

“I never thought it was mine either.”

“Have your thoughts changed?”

“Aedon wants me to marry him.”

He considers my statement. “Is that what you want?”

“I don’t think…I’m worried that…” I finally find the words. “I’m not who he thinks I am.”

Aedon might see this side of me that’s a little fucked up, but he doesn’t know the half of it. He doesn’t know that I like to bathe in blood and slice into flesh for fun, not just for work. He doesn’t know about all the darkness, and he doesn’t know about that night. But I’ve been vulnerable with him. I regret it, but I can’t take it back now. This is why I’ve stayed away from meaningful relationships. What would his expectations be?

We don’t even live in the same worlds. When I’m here, it’s like we’ve stepped into our own realm that we’ve created where no one can taint it. Marriage is more than that. He might know I’ve lost my memory and crawled out of the Lethe, but he doesn’t know I’m Remnant. My people would never accept this. Besides, I don’t want to be someone’s wife. I want to be everyone’s nightmare.

Aedon is making me weak. I’ve crafted the last four years of my life on being ruthless. My existence depends on blood and pain to keep a choke hold on the darkness that's always getting louder, even if it seems to recede in Aedon’s presence. I don’t know who I am without that. Still, a part of me wants that mundane romantic bullshit even if it brings bile into my throat.

Sam takes a moment to gather his thoughts before responding further. “Change can be quite daunting. If it’s my opinion you want, then I have none. But my observation is that you deserve happiness, even for a little while. Most people spend an eternity never finding it. When they see it in others, it gives an old man like me hope.”

I don’t know what it means to be happy. Vivian is happy, but I don’t want to be like that. Aedon doesn’t treat me like a delicate doll that needs to be fawned over and doted on. It’s not my style even if it’s my sister’s. I want what Aedon and I have. Love or not, I’m drawn to it.

“Thanks, Sam,” I hug him gratefully. He stiffens at first and then sinks into it.

I make it home faster than usual, and Cam is anxiously waiting for me with Stafford sitting on the steps next to him. Negativity permeates the air around the complex. People are standing around having quiet somber conversations.

I feel my mood drop immediately. “Staff?”

“Hey there, lass,” he says solemnly.

Cam doesn’t wait to exchange greetings before exploding. “They broke into our homes.”

I stop in front of them. “Who did?”

“Ransacked the whole place while I was visitin’ the market,” he continues to seethe.

“I’m so sorry, Cam. Is everything alright?” Despite how irritating and rude he is, I actually like that about Cam, and I don’t want to see him attacked. He gives me a stiff nod before storming away, back into his apartment where the door is hanging off the hinges. Stafford stands and enters my place. The threshold is empty. Inside, the door lays splintered on the carpet. I’m not going to like this conversation. Lately I don’t like any conversations that I have with Stafford. I try to shrug off the bad feeling he gave me last time.