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“You are alone, too,” she continues.

“Hardly,” I snort, thinking through all the women I’ve been through.

“Oh sweet, beautiful boy. You surround yourself with lovers rejecting their love before they have the chance to give it. It is loneliness masked by a crowd. It sounds like this girl has only handled it differently. Maybe she, too, once stood in a crowded room, but she figured out that it didn’t suit her to continue doing so.”

I hate it when she’s right. Josie said as much that night at The Alibi. You use women as a bandage for your loneliness.

That night I had told her that she uses violence instead of words. That she keeps her distance. She had only drunk half of her cup. Now I know which part of it is true, but that begs the question, when did she learn the violence? Josie acts comfortable in it, like it comes to her as a basic instinct not like a trained skill that came much later in life.

I realize it’s a trait born from survival. So why did she flee to Asphodel all those years ago? She and Vivian both mentioned they had been through things—like a blood stain that you can’t get out of pavement. They survived something together that caused some sort of adverse reaction that rooted itself deep inside of Josie. Violence born from necessity. Demons.

“I want her company,” I tell Persephone, begging for her insight.

“Sounds like you're in love,” she giggles.

“I don’t know her well enough for that,” I balk, thinking about the other night when I took care of her.

“I wish you could see everything from where I sit,” she sighs. “These notions, these rules, they mean nothing. They are put in place by people who are afraid. You are no coward.”

I absorb what she’s said. “Then what am I supposed to do about it? I’ve been letting her make the rules. I don’t press her. I just wait around for her to give me the time of day.”

“It sounds like that is what she needs.”

“That’s not comforting,” I grumble.

“I’m not here to comfort you, Aedonaeus. I’m here to guide you. If she has been giving you the time of day, as you call it, then it sounds like she may not be as flighty as she would have you believe. Maybe that’s what she needs you to believe so she can believe it herself. Some people have not been given the chance to be anything other than disappointed. She could be waiting for the moment you rebuke her. For you to stop waiting.”

“And I’m supposed to wait forever?”

“What would you do otherwise?”

I would do nothing. I know I can never stop waiting. The first time we met I was destined to find her. I had resolved that night that I would, and I will bide my time until then. I have been waiting for her for years, and I will wait the rest of my life if that’s what it takes. Now that I’ve had a taste of her, I can never go back. That’s the truth.

“I hate it when you’re right.”

“I will leave you with one last question,” she clears her throat. “When she is ready, will you be?”

“I—”

“Ah, ah, ah.” She waves her finger. “That one is for you to answer, alone.”

Persephone stands and brushes off her lap, straightening her dress.

“You have a lot to think about. I understand if you happen to not make it tonight. In fact, I don’t think you should go at all.” She smiles brightly, planting a kiss on my head and gliding off into the garden.

That was permission, and I will take it. I don’t want to go to Eris’ stupid fucking party. It will only piss me off when I don’t want to be there. I want to wait for the next moment Josie graces my presence, and if she doesn’t, then I will go to her. Nosy neighbors be damned.

Persephone was right. I do love her, and I don’t intend to be a coward. Josie is a hurricane, and I will happily stand in the eye of it. I’m ready. Now I’m just waiting for her to be. I’m not a patient man, but I can last a little bit longer.

Chapter fifteen

Josephine

I haven’t seen Aedon since the strange night at my apartment. Letting him even come back in the first place, accepting his help? It’s unlike me. Was I really that desperate to escape my own mind? The darkness has always swam around me, and even though it’s drowning me, wouldn’t it be better that way? He witnessed a part of me I wanted to keep hidden, and it didn’t seem to faze him. That’s so much worse than me keeping my own distance.

It’s a lot to process. I asked him to stay, brought him to my bed, and sucked his dick. Impulsive, impulsive, impulsive.

He didn’t seem to mind any of it. No one who is getting laid would, but the way he took care of it all was so intimate. Aedon isn’t a stoic guy. He’s dangerous, even if he hasn’t shown it, but there’s something in the way he tenderly held my hand and sewed it back together that makes me crave him. I asked him not to think, and he delivered. I don’t know what it means, but it makes me feel a way I’ve never felt before.