Page 145 of The Book of Summer

Leave it to Daddy to put it exactly like that. Oh yes, the words burned and they stung, but Ruby knew that he was right.

As she ferried back to Nantucket, Ruby’s entire being soared with a renewed sense of vigor and verve. Daddy was nose on the money, same as always. It was high time to get on with this life. She was lucky she still had the chance.

You keep your spirit,she could almost hear Topper say.You’re the most special kind of bird.

God, Ruby missed her baby brother. She missed him fiercely. And if she could forgive Topper, if she could see he was more than the sum of his sins, then she could forgive Sam, too.

And so Ruby made a promise, to Sam but also to Daddy and her brothers and Mother up above. She promised to remain strong, stalwart for them all. Cliff House was hers now, Ruby the only child left of the original four. She was determined to keep their fledgling, small family afloat.

Ruby imagined what she’d say when she swept into the library and threw open the shades (unless there was a blackout drill, in which case they’d have to stay closed). Her plan was to rouse Sam out of his awful, waking slumber. She’d tell him how she felt—that she loved him, and she loved their life together, and there was no sin they couldn’t plow through. All that and she’d finally divulge that another baby was on its way.

But after Ruby exploded through Cliff House’s front door, she did not find the sleeping, slumping person she’d expected. Instead she ran smack into Mrs. Grimsbury, who carried a fretful look and a very short note.

How short? Well, Sam had left. Curt as that.

In the day that Ruby had been gone, Sam had peeled himself off the furniture, packed a lone bag, and skipped town. Where was he bound? San Francisco? New York? Even Sam hadn’t been sure. All he knew was that a family didn’t seem like the right life. So he left home to discover who he really was.

58

Sunday Afternoon

The baby is gone.

The baby Bess planned to “terminate” (God, what a word) is no more. Evan was right; she didn’t want the pregnancy to end. But in the indecision, a judgment was made on her behalf.

Was it the stress? The moving of boxes? Or simply her age?It’s not your fault,the doctors say, which they would to anyone who looks or acts or pays taxes like Bess. She knows this because she’s a doctor, too.

“I’m so sorry,” Evan says, again and again.

He’s lying beside her, his right arm hooked through her left. They are holding hands, both of them staring at the ceiling. She can lie on her back now. Was that the problem? Bess’s nap was almost entirely faceup.

“I’m sorry, too,” she whispers, and scoots an inch closer.

There’s not enough room for both but Bess doesn’t mind. The squished-arm, aching-shoulder position is small sacrifice for the comfort of having Evan close. Also she’s high on Vicodin, so there’s that.

“I’m not going to tell you that there will be another baby,” Evan says. “That you’re young and there’s plenty of time. It’d just be insulting.”

“Yes it would be insulting. Because I’m not young.”

He tries to smile but is so uncomfortable he merely looks pissed off.

“How are you?” he asks.

“Physically, I feel okay. Emotionally, not so much.” Bess exhales. Her insides ache. “Despite what I said, this isn’t what I wanted.”

“I know.”

“But. It happened. I have to remind myself it’s what’s best for the baby. I mean… it would’ve been some kind of crap family he or she would’ve come into. Asshole father. A crackers grandmother who won’t get off her lawn chair. And let’s not get started on the mom.”

“Bess, don’t talk like that. Let yourself be sad. Don’t explain it away or try any of that ‘everything happens for a reason’ crap. You would’ve and you will make a fantastic mother.”

“My life is not exactly stable.”

“No one’s life is stable when they have a kid,” Evan says. “That’s why new parents look like shit.”

Bess offers a close-mouthed chuckle and shuts her eyes.

“In that case, it would’ve been easier for me than most,” Bess says. “To adjust. I’m already a sleep-deprived, stressed-out mess.”