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Look at me jump, Zay!
Look at me roll, Zay!
You would never be able to tell that inside, he was dying. Literally. Such an active kid, so full of life. Like any normal person, I allowed myself to imagine a future with him, growing up as best friends, always having each other’s backs. But it wasn’t meant to be. Callum’s heart defect took a turn for the worst one night. And if I go there…if I think about it, I’ll enter a bad place.
I can’t.
“Zayden, are you okay?” Bailey dips her head to look into my eyes. I guess I went away for a second there.
“Yeah, fine.”
“You looked like you’d seen a ghost.”
Because I had. Callum’s bright laugh was the single most memorable thing about my childhood, and for a few moments there, I saw him again. I look down to find my hands are shaking. I can’t do this. I can’t hang out in this room or come anywhere near the baby. They look so much alike, and that’s when I realize it’s not me Olivia looks like, it’s Callum.
I stand, staggering to my feet, and back into thedoor.
“Zayden, are you okay?” Her worried eyes are full of concern. I’m confusing the fuck out of her first by coming in to talk, then by leaving quickly. First, I claim her virginity, then I stay away from her, then I follow her on her night out with friends, then I wait for her to come home, then I open up to talk, but now I’m going to run away from itall.
Especially those goddamn memories.
Fuck.
I clear my throat and set my jaw. “I have to go shower and head out is all.” I have nowhere to go, nothing on my schedule for today, but I need to find something, because I can’t hang out at home and see these two interacting. I’ll go hang out at Bar None again, something, anything. Surely there’s a movie premiere or something I can crash.
Breaks my fucking heart. There was a reason why I asked Bailey to stay away from me, and it wasn’t just because Olivia interrupted my life. It’s because the two of them together remind me too much of what Ilost.
My mom and my brother. For different reasons, but that’s when my old life ended.
Soon, my new life began, the one of hiding the pain. Of putting all my energies into my work. Full scholarship to Cornell and my plane rental business is what saved me, gave me something to focus on, think about every day. No, families aren’t for me. Been there, done that, and I can’t get sucked into the vortex one moretime.
“I hope it wasn’t something I said.” Bailey cocks her head as she studiesme.
“It wasn’t.”
She stands with the baby and takes a couple of steps toward me, but I back out into the hallway, away from her. Away from my daughter. Away from the past and thepain.