Page 75

“Merda!Why didn’t I see it before she left, Dean? What the hell is wrong with me?”
“Sometimes we have to lose what we have to see itsvalue.” Dean’s deep voice crackled slightly through the long-distance call.
Dean now lived in Hawaii, though he used to live in Hong Kong. After he gothishead out of his ass and managed to convince Elika to givehimthe time of day, he settled with her in Kauai. The Giordano Hotel Group had a resort there where Elika now worked with our art director while she completed her bachelor’s degree in art history.
“It’s not just that she heard what I said. It’s…how I’ve been with her. Hot and cold. If I felt we were getting too close, I ran away.” I rubbed a hand over my face. “And I lied to you when I said the sex was merely okay.”
“That was obvious.”
“That I was lying?”
“Yeah,” Dean quipped. “I think my telling you that she loves you freaked you the hell out.”
“I didn’t believe it then, but now....” I trailed off, gripping the balcony railing. “Now I think you were right. She did love me, and I ruined it.”
Dean let out a low hum. “Probably, but love doesn’t just disappear. If I had to guess, she probably still loves you.”
I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me. “I don’t know, Dean. She doesn’t trust me, and I can’t blame her for that. I wasn’t the husband she deserved.”
“But how were you supposed to know? Did she ever complain or ask for more or…anything?”
“I can’t lay any blame on her.”
“It’s not about pointing fingers, Dante. It’s about communication. Being in a committed relationship has taught me one thing, if we don’t talk about how we feel, we’re doomed.”
“Twenty-twenty hindsight?”
“You can talk now,” Dean suggested.
“We’re trying. She told me how I used to make her feel and Christ, Dean I made her feel like shit. I’m an asshole.”
“True,” Dean agreed. “But you’reherasshole.”
I laughed. “I don’t think she’d agree that I was hers.”
“You’re not going to give up, are you?”
“No, I’m not…I can’t.” I picked up my port and took a sip of the fortified wine. “But how do I fix this? How do I make her believe that I’ve changed when I’m not even sure I know how to change?”
Dean chuckled. “You don’t change...you evolve, you learn, you become a better version of yourself. Look, man, I get it. I was the same way. My brothers and I—we were all workaholics, burying ourselves in the family business because it was what we knew. Because we were good at it. But you know what? Our partners taught us there’s more to life than work. They showed us how to slow down. That’s the kind of love Elysa has for you, Dante. You just have to show her you’re willing to fight for it.”
“I hope she’ll let me,” Imuttered.
“Make her let you,” Dean said firmly. “Win the fair maiden,amico. Do the work, be honest, and don’t back down. If you love her, then show her. She deserves that, and you do, too.”
“Just because you got your fair maiden, you think you’re an expert,” I joked.
“Well, yeah,” he said, feigning arrogance.
We talked a bit longer, and when the call ended, Dean’s words lingered in my mind. I wasn’t a workaholic, per se, but I did work long hours—always had. And yet, I had made time to be home with Elysa. That alone should have been a glaring hint, but I hadn’t seen it. Hadn’t seen that I’d never made that kind of effort for any other woman. But for her I had, and that should have told me everything.
I decided that to make my marriage work, I needed to dedicate more time to Elysa andus. If she forgave me, maybe we should have a belated honeymoon or go on a wine-tasting trip.
She’d talked to me about how she’d had to put my needs before hers, and that had made me feel guiltier for the kind of husband I’d been.
“Do you know that I wanted to travel with distributors so I could see the vineyards the wines I sourced came from?”
“No, I didn’t know,” I said. “Why didn’t you?”