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“What?”
“You said his name.”
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!”
“No, don’t be sorry. It made it clear why you were here.”
“I’m so ashamed ... I don’t know why I chose you for this. I could have ...”
“Listen, Judith,” he says as he takes my hand. “I’d rather you come to me, even if you’re thinking of someone else, than have you do something crazy with some stranger.”
“Oh God ... I’m going nuts! I ... I ...”
“Judith, I promised myself I wouldn’t talk about that man again, and I don’t want to do it. You know what I think of him, and that hasn’t changed. I just hope you come to understand what you’re doing and why.”
We both get off the bed. I turn to leave, and he follows me. When I reach the door, Fernando grabs me by the waist, turns me around, and kisses me. It’s a very passionate kiss.
“You’ll always have me; you know that, right?” he whispers when we separate. “Even if it’s just to use me as a sex toy.”
I give him a playful punch. Seconds later, I leave the room, dazed.
When I go to get my car, I think about my friend Nacho, and without a second thought, I make my way to his tattoo studio. The minute he sees me, he’s worried about my state. He doesn’t know what’s wrong, but he can sense I need to talk. He invites me to dinner.
That night, Nacho shows me what a good friend he is. I don’t tell him Eric is my boss or anything about our intimacy. I don’t want him to know that. But about the rest, about our strange relationship, I tell him everything. After hearing me out, he tells me to put my pride aside; he says that if I miss Eric that much, I should try to talk to him because I’m the one who left. He’s right, and when I get home, I open my laptop and send Eric a message:
From: Judith Flores
Date: September 3, 2012, 11:16 p.m.
To: Eric Zimmerman
Subject: Are you better?
Hi Eric,
I’m sorry I left the way I did. I feel very bad about it, and I ask your forgiveness. I hope you’re feeling better. Please, call me and let me apologize face-to-face. Will you do that for me?
I love you and miss you.
Jude
I don’t write anything else. I send it and wait for three hours for an answer. I know he’s read it. I know that in his hotel room, his computer buzzed and let him know he received a message. I know all that, and it makes me suffer.
48
From: Judith Flores
Date: September 4, 2012, 9:32 a.m.
To: Eric Zimmerman
Subject: I’m insistent.
You once told me the best part of apologizing to me was seeing my face when I forgave you, as well as the possibility of being with me. Don’t you think I might want the same thing from you?
A kiss or two or three ... or however many you want.
Jude