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“I did know your daddy.” The guilt on his face had me pause. “Not well, but I have spoken to him before. I didn’t want to tell you, Sutton. Because I knew that if you found out the truth, you would never speak to me again.”
“What? Why would I do that, Max? You helped take care of me when my mama couldn’t. I know you gave us money. Why would I hate you?”
He sighed and suddenly looked every bit of his sixty-eight years. I could tell that he had been drinking, and there were dark circles under his eyes.
“Your mama has always been poor, pumpkin. But she didn’t always have the drug problem. When she met Hollingsworth, she was working in a fancy hotel over in Flatts Creek. Your daddy had come in town for some business, and according to your mama, it was love at first sight. It wasn’t a one-night stand, although I believe that the affair was short-lived.”
I felt knots gathering in the pit of my stomach. “Why did he leave her then? Was it me?”
He blew out a breath. “No, pumpkin, he never knew about you. Your mama was so head over heels, and I was terrified that she was going to go off with him and I would never see her again.”
Dread coursed through my veins. “What did you do?”
The man hung his head, and I knew that whatever he had done had changed the entire map of my life.
“I met him outside of that hotel and asked him if he’d seen my wife. I described her and said that we were expecting our first child. He was sick with the thought that he was sleeping with another man’s pregnant wife.”
I felt the world tip and he grabbed me before I could fall.
‘Why’ it was the only word I could get out in my anguish. Why had he taken my father away from me?
“I am damned sorry, Sutton,” he choked up. “So fucking sorry. Your mama was actually pregnant. I didn’t know. She was going to tell him that night. But he never came back. She quit her job and came back to Otterville Falls. Your grandmother was getting on in years, but she happily took you both in. I hoped that someday I might get a chance to make her mine.”
She loved him. It was clear as day.
Max continued, “She didn’t want anything to do with me at first. It wasn’t until your grandma had the stroke when you were little that your mama just broke.”
He brushed a tear from my face. I hadn’t even known I was crying.
“I tried to find that Hollingsworth, but I didn’t know his last name. I should have known it was Sutton. I was a damned idiot, pumpkin. You have every right to hate me. When that Williams showed up and told you who you were, I was terrified that you would find out the truth.”
“You should have told me the truth,” I said, brushing at my face angrily. “You should have told my mother the truth.”
“I did.”
I almost missed his admission. “You told her what you did?”
He nodded sadly. “She was on a mission of self-destruction. I finally broke down and told her everything. And I will never forget her response. She laughed, but there was no humor in it. I’ve never heard anything so chilling in my life. She said that he would never want a used crack whore. And then she looked me dead in the face and made me swear never to tell you.”
I could hardly stand it. I was sad for my mother and angry that she didn’t have the strength to actually be a fucking mother to me despite what had happened. The drugs and her grief over my father had taken up residence in her life.
I wasn’t sure how many more times my heart could be ripped out before it disintegrated.
“Why tell me now?” I said, and I knew that my tone was just as cold as my mother’s had been all those years ago.
“Gabe came to me about some mail he was getting at the bar. Things that were addressed to you. He had ignored them, used to the kind of shit show that some of the bigots around here put on. But this was different, more menacing. I was coming to meet him to talk about a fresh batch of letters when I found the place smashed up. I had told Gabe I wouldn’t say anything to anyone, so when the sheriff automatically blamed me, I just took it. I had no clue that Gabe would come to you. He knew the truth, but most likely didn’t want to talk about it in front of others.”
I gave a hysterical laugh. “He was a right bastard, breaking into my place of work and threatening me.”
Max smiled faintly. “Sounds like Gabe, running where angel’s daren’t tread.”
So many things were racing through my mind. I could hardly take in all the things Max had said to me. But one thing was certain: Gabe was dead because of me.
“Where are those letters?” I asked hoarsely.
Max shrugged. “Maybe still at the bar. I am not sure. I think it might be time to get the sheriff involved.”
“Past time, I would say.”