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I heard what she didn’t say.Like him. I sniffled and grabbed tissues from my nightstand to clean my face.
“I feared letting go. I was so scared of losing my sanity, and I needed to be here for my clients. So, I pushed my feelings aside in the beginning.”
“And you only hurt yourself in the end.”
“You’re right.”
We sat in silence for a while before I spoke again. “At one point this evening, I thought I smelled the scent of his cologne, but I knew that had to be a figment of my imagination.”
Like his clothes, I had removed all his other belongings from the home we had shared and donated everything. I had brought nothing with me to the townhouse I had purchased in River Oaks, other than his pictures and a couple of memorabilia from his college days.
“You want me to come over and spend the night with you, sweetie?”
“No. I’ll be fine. Thanks for being here for me.”
“That’s what sisters are for.”
“You called me. I’m so sorry. Did you need anything?”
“No. You were just on my mind,” Genevieve stated.
She did a daily call to check on my parents and me, but she had already done her daily check-in earlier.
“You checked in on me earlier, though.”
“Yeah, and your voice sounded slightly off. Not much, but I just wanted to see about you. I’m glad that I did.”
“So am I, Genni. Good night. Love you, star,” I stated, calling her by the nickname I’d given her as a kid.
“Nite-Nite, moon. I love you too.”
We ended the call, and I rolled over onto my side. Looking down at my hand, I stared at my wedding band. I only wore it when I was missing him more than normal. I had put it back on my finger when I returned home this evening. In the early days after his death, it had been difficult to comprehend that my love for him had not been enough to pull him through.
Swiping at the tears in my eyes, I sat up, walked back to the bathroom, and grabbed the bottle of wine. Turning it up, I allowed the sweet but dry red wine to coat my throat.
It was time for me to move forward, I knew, but it wasn’t a decision I had come to easily. It was a shame that a married man had been the one who unknowingly helped me realize that. I could not have Casimir, but seeing his misery trapped in a life that was a lie made me understand that you only had one life, and you had to live it to the fullest.
When Elijah died, I had stopped living too. His passing had crushed me, making me believe that I would never love again. I really didn’t think my heart could ever take another loss like that one. Five years later, I knew there was nothing wrong with dating again. I just wouldn’t give my heart away.
“Sooo, he’s a doctor like you and—”
“Raegan. Come on. I just said I was considering it. I don’t need you to set me up with anyone. I can get a man on my own,” I declared to one of my best friends.
My decision to live life had led to me kicking my work aside the next day and having lunch with my best friends, Raegan Meadows and Eriss Merrill. We were at Eriss’s home.
“Oowhoo!” Raegan and Eriss squealed.
“Stop, you two!” I said, waving my hands at them. We were all laying out around Eriss’s pool in lounge chairs, soaking up the sun.
“I, for one, am glad you decided to return to the land of the living. No pun intended!” Raegan said, wiggling her eyebrows just above her shades.
“Raegan,” Eriss chided. “Really?”
“Whaaat?” Raegan cried out, sitting up on her chair and holding her arms out at her sides.
Raegan was the friend that said the shit that everyone felt but had too much grace and tact to say. Raegan didn’t really possess a filter for that reckless mouth of hers.
I shook my head and waved Raegan off. “It’s okay, Eriss. You know she doesn’t know any better. Besides, I really am ready to get back to doing something other than working day in and day out,” I confided.