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A red Audi slams on its brakes in front of another of the one-million strip malls in this state. I lean on my horn, letting it erupt with the pent-up rage and frustration coursing through my veins. I finally sit back and rotate my neck. It’s so stiff from stress, and massaging it with my fingers doesn’t do a damn bit of good. I rub the back of my skull, twisting it left and right, my eyes landing on a white minivan next to me. There are a bunch of kids bouncing around in the backseat, and a woman in a giant fuzzy hat in the passenger seat, singing, laughing, and clapping her hands. There’s a guy in the driver’s seat, and he turns to her, pulling her in for a kiss before letting her get back to her performance. It happened so fast, if I’d turned my head in Rocco’s direction…something I normally try to avoid…I’d have missed it.
I’d have missed it.
I don’t want to miss it…any of it.
I’ve never worried about consequences. I act. There’s not usually any thinking involved…or worrying about what happens afterward. I take care of things and walk away without a care.
This time is different. There is a lot at stake. Hell, my whole future is at stake. I never bothered with that concern in the past. Maybe deep down I knew my future wasn’t worth the fear of losing it.
All those years of being told I’d never measure up, that I’d never amount to much, that I’d never rise up in the organization because I didn’t have what it takes…I started to believe it, and I acted as if I had nothing to lose.
Because I didn’t.
Now I do, and it scares the hell out of me.
But Nico has already figured this out. He’s counting on me to come to the same conclusion so we can end this war without anyone getting hurt.
“Fine!” I bellow, pressing my foot on the gas when the light turns green. “We’ll do it your way, dammit!”
“Who are you yelling at this time? Is it the people in your head again?” Rocco snickers, tapping his fingers on the window.
I take the next left turn. “We’re gonna go to the meeting spot.”
“Thank fuck.” Rocco lets out a sigh and types something into his phone.
“Who are you texting?” I swing the steering wheel around and head in the opposite direction.
“Nico. He said he knew you’d come around.” Rocco snorts. “I had my doubts.”
An image of Sloane’s smiling face floats in front of me, and my chest tightens.
My future…the one I’m now petrified of losing.