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“Dammit! I know!” I cover my face with my hands. “But how can I just let this thing with Sloane fall apart? How do I explain that this shit is gonna keep happening, and I need to handle it? That it’s my job?”
“You need to find a way to be honest with her if she’s that important to you. Yeah, it’s a dangerous life, but nowadays,” Dad shakes his head. “You’re not safe anywhere. Jesus Christ, you can go to a bar or a movie or to the post office or even get on a damn plane to Disney World, and boom! It can be over that quick.”
“I can’t put her in danger. This whole thing with the Bonnaros is a goddamn mess, and if anything happened to her, I’d never forgive myself.”
“I say the same thing about your mom and Shaye all the time. But it’s just our reality. You need to be honest about what you can offer her and about what she can expect. You know she’d be taken care of, Max.”
I rub the back of my neck. “Yeah.” I trace a finger over my screen. She hasn’t texted me back yet, and I feel like the window is closing. I don’t want it to slam shut. I’ll have lost my chance, and I can’t live with knowing I let the greatest thing in my life slip right through my damn fingers.
I stab a few words, my thumb hovering over the Send button as I read them.
Mine was bad, too. Can I come over? I want to explain.
She’s the only person I trust. I need that right now. I need her, if she’ll have me.
Again, I wait, holding my breath until I see the flashing gray dots.
Yes.
I leap off the couch. Fuck, yeah! A smile spreads across my face. I have one shot to make this right.
Dad’s face clenches in pain and he squeezes his eyes shut. I fall to the floor on my knee. “Dad, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“Ah!” He grits his teeth and slides himself backward, so his head is leaning on the pillow. “Yeah,” he mutters. “I’m fine.”
My eyebrows knit together. “I think we need to go to the hospital. We should have gone last night, and now you might be—”
“No. I don’t want to go. Too many questions. And I don’t want to be in a public place. It’s not safe. For anyone.”
“But you could have internal injuries. We could have just told them you were robbed or something, and that would have been the end of it. You need to see a doctor.”
“Then the cops would have gotten involved.” He shakes his head. “I’ve been through this before. I’ll be okay. I just need to rest.”
“You’re a lot older now.” I frown, watching his chest rise and slowly deflate. “I’m gonna call the Doc. I think he needs to check you out again.”
Dad waves his hand at me. “Stop. I’m stronger than I look.” He turns his head toward me, a thin smile on his pinched face. “Get out of here. I know you want to see her.”
Ping! My eyes fall to the screen. I swallow hard, gripping the phone tight with my fingers.
No.
My heart plummets into my Nikes. I really screwed up this time. I bite down hard on my lower lip. Do I beg? Do I just go? Or do I just deal with the fact that I’ve lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me because I keep making bad fucking choices?
“Max? What are you waiting for?”
My mouth drops open. “I—"
Ping!
Yes.
That one word that means the door is still open at least a crack. I can still get inside. She may have been a little resistant, but maybe she’s coming around. Maybe she misses me, too, even though I’m a fucking walking disaster. She obviously doesn’t realize that part yet.
My lips stretch into a smile, a real one, a hopeful one.
Christ, I’m like one of those girls who listens to Taylor Swift and shit like that.
Another loud ping startles me and I look down.