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Then again, she always asked herself that question.

“Hello, Simon.” Athena snagged the pen on top of her desk and flipped it through her fingers in a well-practiced habit.

“Has Dad talked to you?”

Athena’s grasp on the pen faltered, and it clattered to the desktop. She didn’t immediately grab it, wanting to focus on Simon for once. “About what?”

“Vegas.”

“Yes, he did. I think it’s a wonderful idea.” Athena snagged the pen again as the lie slipped through her lips. They were back on even territory now, where Kevin and Simon had their special bond and Athena lived just on the outside of any deep relationship with them. She never should have been a mother, that much was for certain.

Kevin could at least fake it better than she could. And he’d wanted this. Athena had no choice in the matter.

“I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it.”

“Why’s that?” She frowned and turned to her computer screen, pulling up the file she’d been working on an hour ago. She needed to get it done so she could submit it to the courts, but she’d been dragging her feet. Which wasn’t her norm. Then again, nothing seemed normal lately.

“Because you hate Vegas.”

Athena wrinkled her nose. She did, in fact, hate Las Vegas, and it was for one very specific reason. Which Simon had no idea about. She’d never told him. Kevin had never told him. And that wasn’t something anyone needed to share. Rolling her shoulders, Athena focused on her computer screen even though she wasn’t actually seeing anything. The words blurred in front of her gaze, lights flashing and darkness invading her vision.

Fuck.

What was that?

Athena swallowed and focused on Simon’s voice again.

“So I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it.”

“Dad and I talked, and I’m fine with him taking you. It’s your twenty-first. You should do something fun and exciting. Whatever you want to do.” Athena closed her eyes and rested back in her chair. She took deep slow breaths because her heart raced.

“Are you sure?”

“Do you think I’m lying?” The accusation in her voice was sharp. But she hated when people didn’t believe her. She never said anything she didn’t mean.

“No.” Simon’s tone dropped before it lifted in a question. “Are you okay, Mom?”

“I’m fine.” Athena clenched her fist sharply, digging her nails into her palm. “I hope you enjoy your trip.”

“Right. Guess I’ll talk to you later, then.”

Athena didn’t wait as she ended the call. She pressed her forehead to her arms as she leaned against her desk and continued to take slow, deep breaths. She needed to calm herself down. There was nothing wrong with what was happening. Her son was an adult, and he deserved to live his life doing whatever he wanted.

Something she’d never been able to do.

But she and Kevin had agreed early on in their marriage that when Simon was born, he could take or leave any family obligations. She didn’t want to force him into anything the way they had been.

Standing up sharply, Athena paced her office. Energy coursed through her, and it wasn’t a good kind of energy. She knew she was slipping into the past, and that it would be a monumental task to pull herself out of it. Moving to the front of her desk, she pressed her hands flat against the cold wood. Closing her eyes, she leaned forward and tried to focus, but the memories kept coming back.

One after the other.

Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes, dropping onto the desk. Athena hated the stinging and burning in her nose. She hated the scratchy feel in her throat, the inability to take a full deep breath. Clenching her jaw hard, she stayed as much in the room as possible.

But the memories…

Fuck.

They pulled at her, grabbed her, drowned her.