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I pull on the black bracelet around my wrist. The sight of it makes me want to rip it off since it’s a clear reminder of my unrequited love.

When the bartender comes my way, I try to ask about Uri, but I soon learn that it’s all anonymous, and strictly against the rules to disclose members’ identities. From the corner of my eye, I see someone taking the chair near me, even though there’s many unoccupied.

“Hey, little thing, are you interested in some fun?”

I turn my face to the man, and the first feeling that hits me is caution. He feels and looks slimy, with his spiked, gelled hair and large smirk.

“I’m looking for my…someone.”

“I’m better than someone, little thing.” His leery eyes are stripping me bare. He’s handsome, but there’s something dark in his blue eyes. I’m not afraid, but I’ve seen those same shadows in my brothers’ gazes, and let’s face it, they aren’t the purest souls.

“No, thank you.” I try to stay still when his hand lands on my forearm.

“If you change your mind, I can make you forget about them in a heartbeat.” His grip tightens before he releases me and leaves.

That wasn’t so bad.

“An ex?” I turn toward the voice. There’s a guy two seats down from mine. He’s slick, built, and looks nice, but does nothing for me.

“No,” I simply reply, thanking the bartender for the gin and tonic.

“You look lost. Maybe I can point you in the right direction. What are you into?”

“I’m—” I can’t finish the sentence and blush instead.

“Don’t feel embarrassed, this is the place where your desires can come true. No judgment.” He points at a guy who’s sucking on a pacifier while snuggling on an older man’s lap.

“And it’s not always about sex. Some people just need to be someone else or their real self for a few hours.”

What is Uri doing here then? He can be himself at the base. Is there more to him I don’t know about? The thought hurts so badly.

“You look pale. Scott, a shot of vodka,” the nice guy calls the bartender. “Here, drink this.” He hands me the little glass a few seconds later.

As soon as I down it, a loud cough rips out of my chest. My throat is on fire.

“You fucking act like you need someone to take care of you. Are you a submissive or a little?”

“A what?” I gasp out, trying to clear my voice.

“Guess not. What are you doing here?” He looks at me with a curious expression.

“I told you I’m looking for someone.”

“We don’t do names here. Describe him.”

“He has long dreads and piercings all over his face.”

“I think that’s the Pain Giver. Does he have I’ll-kill-you-if-you-come-closer brown eyes?”

I nod with my mouth open in shock. “Pain Giver?”

“That’s what he’s called around here. I saw him going toward the rooms a few minutes before. He always takes guys into room three.” He whistles, pointing to my right at a dark corridor. “Once, by mistake, I entered the gallery and got a peek, but I’m not really into D/S, B&D, and all that sadomasochistic stuff.”

His words splinter something inside me. Cold sweat envelops me while my head feels on fire. Every searing thought flows out of me in the form of tears. One drop, two drops, three, four, fivesixseveneightnineten until I lose count. It feels like Uri lifted me up so high in the air over the sky, the moon and the stars, and then dropped me to the ground. I’m still coming down, a fast free fall. I can hardly breathe; what happens when I crash?

“I’m…what…am I doing…here? Such an idiot.” I can barely get the words out.

Another shot is pushed in front of me, and I gulp it down.