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“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who kept on making a fool of herself.”

“Don’t say that.” I lowered my head and inched my face closer. “I didn’t want to destroy our history.”

She glanced away and fixed her stare on the right. “I don’t understand how you could stand me going out with other guys if you’ve felt that way since the frat party.” Her head dropped.

“Bianca, look at me,” I demanded.

When she finally gave me her eyes, I said, “It wasn’t easy. For the first six months, I was disgusted with myself for reacting to you that way. I struggled to wrap my mind around the idea that you were someone I could fuck and do all sorts of filthy fucked-up things with, because, baby, that night, I imagined you riding my cock. I tried to scald the image from my mind with the hottest shower of my life, but flashes of your panties and what it was covering just wouldn’t leave me at peace. I even imagined you bent over the car and fucking your c-…pussy and?—”

Her brow rose. “Cunt, you can say it. You already did earlier.”

“Sunlight.” I gripped her jaw. “That’s exactly the war I’ve been waging inside me.”

Her lips rolled in an attempt to hide a smile. “Like you can’t decide whether to respect me or degrade me?”

“Yeah.”

“You know we girls discuss this.” She cupped my hand at her jaw. “Treat me like a whore in bed and treat me like a wife outside of it.”

“Never call yourself a whore,” I muttered.

“Sandro, you’re still not separating the young girl you cared about and the woman who’s your wife,” I chided. “You just railed me against the headboard, and I swear I could feel your cock in my throat.” She smirked while my dick jumped happily, eager for another round. “Now you’re backtracking again.”

I was. I released her jaw and held up my hands. “I’m still getting used to it, all right? These hands of mine?—”

“Are steeped in blood.” She grabbed my hands and held them against her heart. “You’ve told me that so many times. I have always accepted that part of your life, and every time you bring itup, it sounds like an excuse. A broken record. And this made-guy stuff? I’m all in. And what you told me about Carmelo? I don’t care. It doesn’t factor in how I feel about you. What remains and what I can’t understand is how you can be so stalkerish and possessive and let me sleep with someone else?”

Rage shot up my head so fast, I twisted away from her and slammed my left fist into the tiles.

The tiles cracked.

“Sandro!”

“Ian Peterson. Dustin Lawrence,” I rasped. “Those are the men you slept with.”

I turned to face her.

She tried to grab my left hand, but I held it away. “Leave it.” It didn’t throb as much as the ugly jealousy pounding in my head and chest. The eye twitch that always accompanied the raging thoughts of another man fucking Bianca. “Even when you were away at Harvard, I knew. You dated them long enough for a semester but then broke up with them afterward. And the ones you fooled around with when you were in Manhattan like that Ethan guy…”

“You stalked and confronted us,” she said dryly.

“I tried to keep away. I told myself I deserved to suffer for the years you were jealous too.” I let out a derisive laugh. “But it was useless. You can ask Sticks how many times they had to replace or repair the drywall in the office at the club. I couldn’t help scaring your boyfriends away, even when I knew that was wrong and selfish. I kept telling myself they can’t protect you the way your family can.”

“Why did you fight it so much?” she said in a low raspy whisper I almost couldn’t hear.

“I’m nine years older than you, Bianca. And you know about my fucked-up origins. You deserved to experience college and the love you’ll never get from me.”

“And what kind of love is that?”

“The one that doesn’t live in shadows and death.” I swallowed. Because I was the grim reaper to some and Carmelo’s blood flowed inside me, but I’ve come to terms with these things now. “I wanted to wait until you were old enough to make up your mind. That being with me wasn’t a leftover adolescent crush or obsession. I feel ancient compared to you.” All the evil I’d seen. All the times I’d numb myself to feel mercy and sunk into a black, black hole. Bianca always brought me back to the light. I wondered if that was why I nurtured our friendship. She was that one pure thing. I finally tainted her, but I no longer felt guilt.

I was smug as fuck.

“And now?”

I gave her a feral smile. “And now I’m going to erase every man who came before me.”

I scooped her up and fucked her against the wall.