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I try to eject the notion, but it stays. There’s something so fucking primal about it, so satisfying I want to… I don’t want to do a thing. I’m already acting like a psychopath. I don’t need to put moves on her after accusing her of being a spy and trying to make her admit the child who looks like me isn’t mine.

The last time I was like this was… was never.

“Not at all?”

“Do you want a plaque, Demyan? This is embarrassing enough to admit. There’s been no one but you. At first, I was busy, then I found out I was pregnant, and being a single mother, well… I’ve been asked out, but…” She bites her lip. “I don’t date. Being a single mom makes it hard.”

She edges up, and I meet her gaze. “I’m not going to eat you or anything. You can sit, Erin.”

“Is that an apology?”

“It’s what you get.”

She sits, putting a little space between us. “Okay.”

“You didn’t think about?—”

“Termination? No. I wanted him. It fucked up my career path, but the moment I found out, I wanted that baby. He’s stubborn, contrary, and a pain in the ass sometimes, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s worth it for his smile. He started his stubborn ways early. I went into labor, and then he refused to come for forty hours, putting me through hell.”

“That sounds like my boy, right there.”

She smiles and I do, too, as pride swells in me. Part of me wishes I was there, but the pride is bigger.

“When I say hell, I mean it, but you know what? The moment I laid eyes on him with his perfect little face, I forgot the pain. He was worth it. Worth so much more. That little baby was the entire world, and he still is.”

I try to think of something to say, but I can’t. My throat’s tight and full because, though I can’t possibly know childbirth, I know what she means. That love that’s instantaneous, that’s all-consuming and right, I felt that when I saw him for the first time.

“Demyan… Sasha’s the best gift anyone’s ever given me, and I want to thank you for that. He’s an amazing boy. Kind and gentle and loving.”

“That’s you.”

“It’s nature and nurture, so that’s you, too. He’s stubborn and smart and I know, even at two, he’s going to grow up into such a strong young man. And you can help in the ways I can’t, but he’s so special, Demyan.”

“He can light up a room just like he lights up my heart. The word love isn’t big enough, is it?”

I stare at her. I can feel it. Her love for him. It’s strong, a steady beam of power, of life, and this woman would give anything for his happiness, even if it cost her own.

Christ, maybe keeping them apart is the wrong thing to do.

But she kept him from me. For all her words, she deliberately kept him from me.

“D-Demyan, can I see him, please? It’s killing me. And I dread that it’s hurting him, too. We’re a little unit and he must be fretting over where his mama is. Please.”

Abruptly, I stand.

“I’ll think about it,” I tell her. And before I can be swayed, I leave the room, locking the door behind me.

And I think her sobs will haunt my dreams for a long time to come.

Chapter Eighteen

ERIN

I barely sleep.How can I? The man walked off and never returned. Not that I expected him to. Not that he’s shown a drop of human emotion.

It’s like he keeps coming in here to torture me, taunt me with our son. Still, at least he took the goat. That’s something.

Every time I close my eyes, I see Sasha happy, Sasha chasing the butterfly.