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“She wasn’t thrilled to hear about the Navy. But we agreed, once I got through RTC and NSW back east, that Coronado wasn’t the worst option for the duration of her pregnancy while I kept training. Only,” I shook my head, wishing my throat didn’t still get tight all these years later. It was bullshit to care. “When I got back, there was no baby. She aborted, changed her mind, and said she never signed up to be a military wife. She wanted a Hart’s life, and I gave her scraps instead.”
My aching forehead made me reach up to smooth out the furrow. “I couldn’t…blame her exactly. Her body, and all.” My shrug felt forced, even to me. “But I would’ve done anything for her.For them. My world flipped upside down the day I heard that tiny heartbeat. She had to know that my trust would provideno matter what I did with my body or my time.” I sucked down a breath, blinking away the burning at the bridge of my nose.
“You’re human, Greyson. It’s okay to grieve that. All the what ifs. That doesn’t make you weak,” Alice promised, rubbing gentle lines over my hand. The contact drew my focus before I glanced up to see her eyes welling with tears.
“Harts believe it does. At least, my father did. Selene…vanished. I actually poured a decent chunk of change into trying to find her, only to run into dead ends. It never settled right with me. It was so out of character for the girl I fell in love with that some part of me was in denial for years. When dad died, and I was scouring through his office, I found a record of a wire transfer to one Selene Adler.”
“No,” she breathed, shoulders curling in on themselves as her mouth fell open in horror, free hand flying to cover her lips.
“Dad paid hersix figuresto abort my child and disappear. He buried their communications pretty thoroughly, but it wasn’tbetter than Jackson Reynoldssecure. When I inherited, I brought Jackson in to scrub our system, and he found the list of contingencies. It included a name change and instructions for her to move at least three hundred miles away from Emerald Bay.”
“Jesus,” she breathed, her fingers fluttering over her lips. “Greyson, I’m so sorry.”
“It was a long time ago,” I responded on autopilot, reaching for that wall of numbness I’d placed between me and the world decades ago.
“Does Ollie know?”
“No,” I said firmly, turning to lock eyes with her before blinking away the ache of that past. “You’re the only one. Well. Aside from Selene—or whatever her name is now. I suspected Reggie knew, but when I confronted him, he acted as appalled as I was. Believe it or not, he tried to look after us after Daddied. He’s not…great at it,” I admitted, tugging at the back of my aching neck. That was a generous description, if I was honest. “But he loves the way he was taught to love.”
“That’s not love,” she countered softly, dislodging Chip from where he slept in her lap and gingerly setting him against Captain’s side, where he promptly curled into a ball and closed his dark, watery eyes. Alice tucked the strands of hair away from her face to remove any barrier between us as she studied me, slowly easing over my lap and settling over my groin. “You hurting now. You hurtingthen—looking for her.Thatwas love.”
“Maybe.” I turned away, needing to be done with this conversation, but Alice wasn’t having it. Her dainty hands squished either side of my face, forcing me back to her.
“After all this time, you haven’t ever…wondered? Wanted a family of your own with the right person?”
“Got a vasectomy.”
A little smirk twisted her lips, and I knew before she opened them I wouldn’t like what she had to say next. “Double birth control wasn’t enough for you? Gotta pull out three.”
“There’s a failure rate for everything.”
“Yeah, but like a one-percent—” Cutting her off with my mouth on hers had gradually become less effective. Evidenced by the fact that the instant I wasn’t kissing her, she was fucking talking again. Relentless. Like a dog with a bone. “—chance, per kind of birth control. That’s taking thorough to a whole new level.”
“Kids are a liability. Collateral,” I explained gruffly. “Having Mattie and Beau in the world—and tied to me—is bad enough. Love is a liability when you run in the circles I choose to.” Pain bounced through her eyes, but she nodded slowly in understanding, shifting back to look down at me, although what she thought she’d find written over my face, I didn’t know. Suddenly, her answer to my next question held more weightthan I ever should’ve allowed it to. So much that my chest felt like she’d crush it should she pull out of my grasp. Tightening my hands where they’d settled on her hips, I traced the tip of her nose with mine. “Does that change anything?”
She pressed a kiss to my head, and I didn’t mean to let her touch lull me, but my eyes slid closed when her hands found my jaw. This woman had a way of liquefying the pain of life and leaving only her scent in my lungs. She kissed each eyelid slowly before leaning back and stroking her chilled thumbs over my cheeks. Her touch was startlingly soothing. Thoughtfully, she studied me before shaking her head once.
What in the hell had I done to earn her affection?
Not taking the time to worry about that, I melted into her as she wrapped her arms around me. Refusing to be left out, my cock made its proximity known with a little jerk that earned a deliciously breathy laugh and a rock of her hips.
“Grey, you and I may not be…conventional,” she hedged carefully before huffing a laugh that dispelled a bit of tension. “But as far as my family is concerned, you’re one of us now. They’re loud and dysfunctional,” she said with a shake of her head, smiling down at me endearingly. “Meddlesome as fuck, andthirteen kinds of overwhelming, but…they’re yours now, too. Milo will always lend an ear if you want a man in your life with an emotional capacity beyond a thimble. Jameson is terrified of emotions, but Rhyett and Paxton like to talk. You don’t have to carry everything alone, Greyson.”
Slowly, her words settled into my bones. The sincerity in them rattled my grasp on what the hell this was supposed to be as she forked her fingers through my hair, brushing it away from my face. Her disarming caress sent warmth swelling in my ribs, cock now straining against the zipper of my jeans.
Barely clinging to the leash on my emotions, I lifted my chin and demanded, “Come here,” pleased when she eagerly obeyed.
This kiss was soft. Tentative. Embodying our confusion as the lines in our dynamic blurred into a smear of chalk on wet cement. I couldn’t find it in me to care. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be exactly where I was. A sensation that amplified as she rocked over my dick, her supple lips brushing over mine.
“You told me we do this at my pace,” she breathed between unsettled kisses. “But I need you to know that you matter too, Grey. If we’re calling a shot that affects both of us, we do it together.”
Nodding, I wrapped my arms around her back, straightening to claim her mouth with mine. Her hands fell to the hem of my Henley, stripping it up and over my head, as I raised my arms for her. Mouths colliding, my body demanded hers while my mind processed that promise.
Together.
I’d never known a truetogether. My parents and Reggie wanted to pull our strings like a taut marionette, ensuring each movement was their desired performance. My need to protect Ollie and his kids still influenced our friendship to some extent. Selene had bowed down to the power of Carlisle Hart without so much as telling me what she was up against. My military career reinforced that I was to yield to a superior’s beck and call—property of the US government.
Togetherwas a foreign thing. Something other men experienced. It was either me against the world. Or me beneath the boot of my latest ruler.