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“Alice.”
“I didn’t mean?—”
“Alice,” I chuckled, leaning over to shut her up. “I know what you meant. And no. It’s not in the cards for me.”
“Oh, Greyson,” she breathed, but confusion marred her features when I looked down to study her reaction. “I don’t understand,” she admitted. “I thought you, um…”
“Pulled out on purpose?”
“Yeah,” she admitted sheepishly, a pretty flush coloring her cheeks. I wanted to lick the color from her skin. If we were discussing any other topic, I would’ve.
“I did.” Uncomfortable silence settled between us, weighing my chest down with the burden of history. So many factors influenced my decision on the subject, and none of them were pleasant. It wasn’t a conversation I ever intended to have with another living soul, but her quiet patience wrapped around me like a physical tug.
We hadn’t talked aboutus.
We’d had mind-blowing sex. Enjoyed each other’s laughter. Merged our families, at least legally speaking. But we hadn’t hedged thewhat are wesubject since she’d climbed into my bed after reminding me she didn’t want my fucking money—not even the untraceable insurance I’d provided for the worst-case scenarios. With a deep sigh, I breathed a truth I’d never thought would surface. “Life behind closed doors was very different from the Hart family’s public appearance. You’ve met Reggie.”
“Sure have,” she muttered, not hiding her irritation.
“Dad was…worse. By the time Ollie was five, I knew I didn’t want him to grow up like I did. He became my responsibility.”
“You’re not even four years older,” she protested, no longer shielding her emotions from me.
Shrugging, I let out the air in my lungs before straightening, carefully thinking that one through. “It was enough. Enough to step between him and Dad. Enough to keep Carlisle’s focus on me. I wanted to influence our mother to keep Olliepreoccupied with activities—book clubs, jump rope, soccer, football, swimming, and anything else that kept him out of the house. When we got older, I made sure Dad gave me both the pressure of our name and the punishment his anger doled out. I became his next in line so Ollie could be…free.”
“I’m sorry,” she breathed, but I shook my head when Alice turned to study me.
“It was what it was. I am who I am because of it, but so is Ollie,” I said, smiling. “He’s a pain in my ass, but at least he’s a happy pain in the ass, even after Carly.”
“I do believe that’s a prerequisite of brotherhood,” she deduced, smiling tentatively. “I have six, and they’re all varying degrees of asshole.”
“Maybe,” I agreed.
“Why do I sense a ‘but’ in this story?”
“Because you know me,” I guessed with a shrug. “By the time I was a teenager, I’d decided I wouldn’t be falling in line anymore. I partied. I did what teenage boys do.”
“Get drunk and chase skirts,” she guessed, unfortunately correctly.
“Something like that,” I admitted, resisting the urge to reach out and take her hand. Whatever was happening between us, this was information she needed to ingest with a clear head. “As you so aptly summarized, Jenilee and I spent our junior year in high school together being idiots. We went our separate ways at the end of the summer, and I fell into mutual mischief with Selene.” She nodded as I confirmed that dossier she’d memorized. Clearing my throat, I admitted what no other soul knew. “I met with a recruiter during my senior year, knowing I didn’t want to fall in line with Dad and Reggie’s plan for my life. My ‘fuck you’ of sorts was enlisting in the one organization our name couldn’t overpower.”
“The Navy was yourescape plan?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “Pretty desperate, I know. I just needed to show them I wouldn’t be their pawn.”
“So, you became the United States Government’s?” Was that concern or confusion in her eyes? I wasn’t sure which, but the question seemed sincere enough.
“Desperate times, I guess.” A heaviness settled in my stomach. “I hadn’t told Selene yet—wasn’t sure how to approach it. But uh…she got pregnant.”
“Were you scared?” There wasn’t any judgment in her tone. Curiosity, perhaps. An aggravatingly adorable note of trepidation.
“Of course,” I scoffed. “What seventeen-year-old isn’t scared of being a parent? But I told her we’d do it together. Obviously, money wasn’t an issue. She’d have what she needed.”
“Why do I feel like I’m going to cry by the end of this?”
“Because you’re smart enough to know I don’t have any children wandering around in the world.” I said it like it didn’t affect me, like my heart wasn’t aching all these years later.
“Can I ask what happened?” she breathed, reaching out to lace her fingers through mine as I nodded, shifting my weight.