Page 27

He slowly turns to face the road again and presses the gas, my body jolting forward as the car picks up speed. We speed through the toll plaza and are plunged into the darkened tunnel before he speaks another word.
“Why can’t you just talk to me, Nico?”
“Because if you knew half the shit going on in my head, you’d run in the opposite direction.”
“Do you really think you could get rid of me that easily?” I lace my fingers with his tense ones wrapped around the gear shifter.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did take off.”
“Don’t you understand that I’m in this? That I want to help you? I signed up for this, Nico. I knew what I was getting into, but I didn’t care because I love you.” I sigh. “I always have, and I always will.”
“This isn’t the kind of life you deserve. To always be watching and worrying and—”
I squeeze his fingers. “The only one I’m watching and worrying about is you.” I take a deep breath. “I think that you need to talk to someone. If you don’t want to scare me, that’s fine. But there has to be someone who can help you work through all of this. You won’t go after Luca because you’re afraid of the consequences, yet you let the fear of the unknown eat at you.”
“I can’t talk to anyone, Shaye! Don’t you get it? I can’t trust anyone. I can’t tell anyone the shit that keeps me up at night. Anything I admit makes me vulnerable to attack. I have to handle this on my own.” His voice softens. “Look, I know you think talking shit out is the best way to work things out, but in my line of work, it’s the worst fucking possible thing. Better to keep your mouth shut and your thoughts to yourself before someone uses them against you and shoves an ice pick into your skull.”
“I just thought—"
“I’m not one of your case studies, babe.”
“Don’t you at least trust me?” I try so hard not to let my voice crack, but dammit, it does. I want him to see me as more than just the princess in her ivory tower, waiting for her prince to rescue her. I need him to see me as someone who is just as strong as he is, someone who can protect herself, someone who doesn’t need to rely on others for her security.
“You’re the one person I do trust.” He pulls over to the side of a dark gray building on West 4th.
“It doesn’t feel that way.”
“I tell you more than I should, more than I’ve ever told anyone.” He cups my quivering chin. “I know you don’t believe that, but it’s true. But I can’t share everything with you because I need to protect you. As much as you think you can handle it, you can’t. Fuck, sometimes I don’t think I can handle it all.”
I nod. “I understand.”
“I don’t think you do. You’re saying that, but thinking the exact opposite.”
“Now who’s the case study?”
The corners of his lips lift. “I’ve never opened up to anyone the way I’ve opened up to you, Shaye. Before you, I’d never let someone in—to my life, to my heart, to my soul. I need to protect you with everything I have. If I don’t tell you something, it’s because I want to keep you safe. And since you have a nasty little habit of taking matters into your own hands…”
I snicker.
“…I think that some things are better left unsaid.”
“It must be genetic.”
“Must be,” he murmurs, grazing my lips with his. It’s amazing how much more that sensation can awaken my body than a triple shot of espresso.
Why can’t he be like this all the time? I’m so damn tired of getting little glimpses into the guy I fell in love with. I need him to break out of this impenetrable shell and come back to me.
His fingers graze the side of my face, and I let my eyes flutter closed. I’m drifting, into him, through him, around him. He consumes my body and mind with little more than a half-hooded gaze, he breathes energy into my soul.
The most freaking complex man I’ve ever met is the only one who can undo me with the simplest of actions.
Ironic.
“Nico,” I breathe against his mouth.
“Yeah.” His fingertips drag along the back of my neck, and for a split second, I forget my next words.
But then they come rushing back to me, the words I’ve been bottling up, the words he needs to hear, the words he’s been avoiding for months, whether or not he even knows it.
I pull away slightly, my forehead touching his. “It’s time, Nico. You have to take control of this family. You have to protect it. End this war, babe. Don’t wait for them to end it for you.”