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She nods. “So he went after Carlo after you put him up to the task.”
“It’s my fault he’s dead. Luca did it to send me a message. He wanted me to know he’s out there, he’s watching, and he’s coming.”
Shaye bolts up from the bed and grabs the bedsheet, yanking it up to her neck. “Then why don’t you do something about it? Why are you going to wait for him to come to you?”
I rise from the bed and yank on my boxers. “Because I’m not a fucking killer, Shaye! Don’t you think I’ve been struggling with this over the last few months? Don’t you think I’ve been planning for this? I figured he’d come after me, and I’d take care of it. I didn’t expect him to go after one of my guys to bait me. It’s almost like he wants to call me out, but he’s not using his own voice. He’s taunting me, challenging me to see what I’ll do next. It’s all a fucking sick game to him. He doesn’t value life, not the way he…” I pause before I say something I’m going to wish I hadn’t. “I’m handling it.”
“How?” she demands. “By ignoring this? You just said how devastated you were about telling Carlo’s wife. Do it for his family, Nico! Do it for your family! Just do it, because the longer you wait, the more broken we become. Don’t you see that? Don’t you feel it?”
“Broken?” I raise my gaze to hers, my mouth stretched into a straight line. “You think we’re broken?”
“I think there’s a rift between us, one I can’t seem to close and one you won’t acknowledge.” She crawls toward me, resting her hands on my shoulders. “I get little glimpses of the way you used to be before all of this happened. I know you’re trying to protect me and your family. I know you’re trying to keep everything running smoothly. But you’ve shut me out, Nico. You’re here with me, but somewhere else entirely. You won’t let me spend the night with you when we’re in Jersey, and you think I don’t know why. I know everything, babe. I know that killing Frank and dealing with the aftermath is destroying you on the inside. And that’s making us fall apart.” Tears pool in her eyes and her voice cracks. “I need you, Nico. Please don’t shut me out. Let me be here for you. Let me help you through this. I want to get back to the way we were before—"
“But I’m different now, Shaye,” I say it quietly. There is no reason to yell. There is no fight to be had. I made choices in the past that shaped my future. Now I have to deal with the consequences. But I’ll be damned if my next actions poison the lives of anyone I love.
I don’t want to make the wrong choice again.
“You’re still the man I love, the one I want to be with for the rest of my life.”
“And I want to be sure you get your wish, so you need to let me handle this my way.”
“What happens if he comes after someone else? What happens if you ignore his message? Who will be his next victim, Nico? And will you be able to live with that outcome, knowing you could have done something to stop him?” She swipes at a tear streaming down her face. “Will it have been worth it?”