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“They were,” I said. “I thought he might be The One. How stupid is that?”
“It’s not stupid, Odette. Remember, negative self-talk isn’t helpful.”
“Men are bad for me. I am not equipped to handle this rejection.”
“Let’s reframe that,” Elisa said. “You were resilient enough after what happened with Guy even totryto love another person—two, in fact.”
“What good did it do if leaving him broke me like this? I’m a headcase.”
“This isn’t your deepest depression. You’re down, but considering the press intrusion and all the hubbub, I think you’ve handled it well. You’re going through a breakup—just like Ingrid did with her ex. And you’re still functional.”
“Am I?” I groaned.
“Have you showered? Eaten?”
“Yes.”
“You weren’t doing either of those when I first met you. You were so low, you couldn’t do basic tasks without reminding.”
“Everyone thinks I’m a fuck up.”
“No, they don’t. If they thought you were a fuck up, would they have sent you on a royal tour?”
“Well, I doubt Alexandra willnow. Now that she knows I’m still so fucking unreliable.”
“I doubt that, Odette. Give it time. This is just part of life. When we give our hearts to someone, the result might be painful. It’s hard to be open after so much loss. I would hazard Wyatt is also probably feeling terrible right now. However, what you doafterthis is what matters. You’ve learned you’re worthy of love. It didn’t work out with Wyatt, but maybe someone else is also capable of loving you?”
“I don’t believe that.”
“I do.”
“Wyatt saw me in a way no one else had—or so I thought,” I said. “But the last call I had with him, he was just screaming at me. He was so upset because of what happened with Theo. He didn’t understand why I put out that statement. It was toprotectTheo. I think he thought I wanted to hurt him. I never would. But, in the end, I had. I scared Theo. He deserved better.”
“Everyone has things in childhood that are challenging. I know your impulse is to protect. Your sister’s anxiety is often through theroof with the children because of what happened. I am sure that feels similar for you with Theo.”
“I’m not Theo’s mother.”
“No, but you were a maternal figure. You have great maternal instincts, but sometimes they go into overdrive since you never had that protection.”
No one ever called me maternal before. I’d not considered myself the type who could everbea mother.
“That whole thing—motherhood. I’d love to be a mom,” I said. “But I don’t have answers when I think about how it will look. Motherhood, for me, is like this blank box I cannot see. It’s just white nothingness—a placeholder. Why is it that others can see what I cannot? Ingrid gave Keir an ultimatum because she knows she wants marriage and children. I don’t knowwhatI want.”
“You’re twenty-three. That’s okay.”
“Twenty-four,” I said. “Tomorrow. And still just as lonely as I ever was.”
66
THE OFFENDER
WYATT
“Jennifer Lowery is her name,” Detective Powers said.
She slid a file across the table. It was like a bad police procedural. Did people still keep everything in paper files? Did they not have a decent cloud provider? I opened the manila folder and stared at pictures of a late-model Mercedes. It was in a garage with a dented hood and a scratched grill. I fought all the tears I could, but the prosecutor, a man named Robertson, who was the size of a building with the voice of Pinocchio, handed me a tissue. I never imagined we’d get closure. And in any imagining I had of it, it didn’t look like this.
“Where did you get these photos from?” I asked.