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“Thank you.”
She paused for a moment. “Would you like to see the body?”
I glanced up at her, sure my face was white. I could practically feel the blood draining from it. “What?”
“Some people find it comforting. Especially if the death was quick. It’s maybe a chance to say anything you didn’t get to say while they were living.”
I hesitated. There were things I wanted to say. Things I’d always thought I’d have more time for. “Is he…like, blue or something?”
She put a hand on my arm reassuringly. “It’s not as scary as you might think. Most people tell me they’re glad they did it, even if they didn’t want to at first. But it’s totally up to you.”
I wasn’t sure I could live with any more regrets. I already had so many. I nodded.
She came out from behind the desk and led the way to a door at the far end of the room. She punched in a code, and I held the door open for her, then followed behind. “It’s just down here.” She muttered the ID number again, then found a matching number on the wall of silver drawers.
I tried really hard not to think about how many bodies were behind them.
She put her hand on the handle, pausing to look over at me. “Are you ready?”
No.
“Yes.”
She flicked off a lock and pulled the drawer out.
My father’s dead body lay on top of it. His skin was pale and did have a blueish tinge, but if I ignored that, I could perhaps pretend he was just sleeping. It was either that or run out of the place screaming.
“Not so bad, huh?” the woman asked.
I couldn’t speak, but she seemed to understand.
“I’ll give you some time. Just come on out when you’re finished. You don’t need to do anything. I’ll tidy up when you’re done. There’s a chair here if you’d like to use it.”
It was maybe more a matter of need than want. I wasn’t sure my legs would support me for very long. I sank down into it gratefully. It was better from this vantage point to. From sitting height, I only saw his profile.
I didn’t know what to do. Was I supposed to talk? The room was so deathly silent, I couldn’t stand not filling it. “Well. That was a wedding day no one will forget in a hurry, huh?”
I rubbed my face with my hands. This sucked. This sucked so bad. I didn’t know what to do. I held up the bag of his belongings. “Picked up your things. Wallet, keys, phone, ring. Don’t know what this bit of paper is…”
It was easier to reach inside the bag and take the paper out than it was to keep staring at my father’s too-pale skin. I unfolded it slowly and skimmed over the first few lines of text.
Dear Miranda.
I stand here before you on our wedding day, the happiest I’ve ever been in my fifty-two years. I can wholeheartedly say my life changed the day you came into it. With your big voice, big ideas, and even bigger heart. I’m sure I fell in love with you at first sight…
I squinted at my father’s body. “This isn’t what you read at the ceremony.” He and Miranda had both recited standard vows, repeating after the judge.
I looked down at the beautiful words and wondered why. Had he chickened out? He shouldn’t have. It was a shame Miranda never heard these.
I glanced around the room, wondering if her body was in here. I didn’t know what I believed about souls or the afterlife, but my father’s words deserved to be read aloud, so I continued.
“I promise today, as I stand before you with complete and wholehearted devotion and admiration, that all our worst days are behind us. Because even though there will be hard times to come, we’ll fight them side by side, my hand in yours, the two of us together.
I have never known love like the kind you have shown me. I promise to return it every day. I vow today to love and honor you. To take care of not only you, but your daughter, Rebel. I vow to be the man who protects you both, after so many others have failed. That will never be me, Miranda. You and your daughter are safe with me.”
I put the paper down. “You really loved her, huh, old man? Maybe it’s for the best you went together.”
I could only imagine losing a love like the one my father had found would be crippling. At least he’d been spared that pain.