Page 37 of Rancher's Return

“Well, I have stumbled through the motions when you’re not here.”

“Yes,” she said. “But crucially, I don’t have to see it.”

“Harsh,” he said.

Their gazes connected, lingered for just a little bit too long.

She didn’t know what to do in a situation like this. She hadn’t wanted to kiss a man in a very long time. And the truth was, she wanted to kiss Buck Carson.

But it was inconvenient, and it was foolish.

“Stop looking at me like that,” he said.

Well. He was going to make hiding it pointless.

“Sorry. I’m trying to figure out exactly what to do about it.”

“About what exactly, Marigold?”

“Don’t make it weird,” she said.

“I’m not making it weird. But I am asking you. Honestly.”

“No you aren’t. Because you know exactly what I was thinking.”

“Tell me.”

He was daring her. The sensual challenge in his voice ignited something in her stomach.

How was that possible? Only a few moments ago, their kids had all been in a car in the driveway, and they had been bantering with them. It had all been so parental. And for her, being a parent had meant separating herself entirely from sexuality.

Or maybe that separation had been about protection. Not just protecting Lily, but herself.

Because she had only known how to use sex in a really unhealthy way. It hadn’t been about pleasure; it had been about oblivion. Attention. It had never been about love; it had been about loss. About the emptiness inside of her. And she just hadn’t wanted to work any of that out with her daughter around watching it.

He made her want to try. Because right now, they felt cocooned. Right now, this felt like a lovely, secret moment.

She wanted to take his dare. She wanted to find the part of herself she had put away so long ago and take it back out. Look at it. Examine it. See if it still shone as brightly as it had then. Because that was the thing. She could have regrets about the why of all the things she had done, but there was something wonderful about being young. And a little bit wild.

Both she and Buck had put away their wildness so effectively. And maybe that’s what she was seeing when she looked at him. When their eyes caught and held. Maybe she was seeing the remnants of that wildness, a little spark.

It made her want to test it. To try it.

“Well, I was thinking about kissing you.”

He made a sound, adjacent to a growl, and it left her feeling thrilled. Excited.

“That would be a very bad idea,” he said.

“I know. That’s why I didn’t do it.”

“But you mentioned it.”

“After intensive questioning,” she said.

“Because you were being so obvious.”

They stared at each other for a long moment. She tried to take a breath, but she found the air in her lungs was frozen. And in a voice she barely recognized as her own, she heard: “Just once.”