Page 18 of Rancher's Return

The Marigold of twenty years ago had been fascinated by his wild streak. He’d been a bad boy. He’d seemed dangerous, and she’d liked that. In the years after, she’d burned herself out on bad boys. She’d learned her lesson, and well. She wasn’t the same person she’d been.

It stood to reason he wasn’t either.

She didn’t know if she was being desperately naive in saying yes to anything. In even talking to him.

In doing anything other than punching him in the stomach and running away.

But... On the other hand, didn’t he owe hersomething?

Not like that. But if Jason had been here, he would’ve been the best uncle. He would’ve been another positive male role model in Lily’s life, and he would’ve offered so much in terms of support. He had been such a great older brother.

“Don’t overthink it. I want to help. I have money. I have a trust fund. And I want to invest in your business.”

“But...”

“Yes. Because I feel guilty. Okay? It’s because I feel like I owe you. I do. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?”

“I don’t know.”

She really didn’t. Maybe because even inside it felt mixed-up.

“What happened back then was bad. It was a tragedy. There’s no way to shift it into something it’s not. It was awful. Itisawful. We can’t change it. We can’t fix it. But I have dedicated my whole life to figuring out how to make something grow out of the charred earth the accident left behind. To try and make it mean something. When you showed up on my doorstep yesterday I thought...”

She stopped walking and turned to face him. “You thought what?”

“I thought it was my chance to fix it.”

He meant it. He wasn’t lying. He absolutely felt that way. It was clear he thought this was a chance for him to make amends.

Did she want him to be absolved?

She didn’t feel the way that she once had about him. She thought she had forgiven him, and she had put all her complicated feelings off to one side. She had a daughter to raise. She had a life to get on with.

When her grief surfaced, she didn’t let it have teeth.

She didn’t allow anger at somebody else to mix with the moment, because she wanted the moment to honor Jason.

It was different with Buck there, though.

It was very, very different.

“Yes,” she said, before she could think about it anymore. Before she could overthink it. Because there was no right answer here.

She could be angry at Buck forever, and maybe part of her would be. But it wouldn’t bring Jason back. It wouldn’t bring back Ryan and it wouldn’t bring back Joey.

He was trying. He had lived on a ranch for troubled youths. He had adopted three boys who needed somebody.

It still didn’t bring them back.

So whether she hated him forever or scorned his money and his help, that didn’t make a difference.

Her refusal wouldn’t fix anything either. Maybe it would make her feel morally superior, but it wouldn’t actually solve any of the problems she had.

She would have to make sure her parents didn’t find out, though.

She didn’t know how they felt about Buck. They had never talked about it.

She had gone off the rails, and then she had gotten pregnant, and everybody had rallied around her. Since then, her parents had devoted themselves to being the best grandparents on earth. But that didn’t leave a lot of space to talk about grief.