Page 91

It’s the middle of the night, and I am not having any of this. I speed up. My house isn’t that far away, and I know these roads like the back of my hand. I hang a right at the next street, then gun it, pushing the pedal all the way to the floor.
Gaining speed, the spooky forest on both sides flies by. The lights are a distance behind me now, and I don’t know if they’re following me, but I’m not taking any chances.
I take a left, then a quick right into a housing development before slowing. I keep checking my rearview mirror but don’t see anyone as I exit out onto a back road. Our house is a mile down the street, so I drive the rest of the way casually.
It’s midnight. Mom and Dad will be just heading to bed. Maybe. If they decide to sleep together tonight, that is.
I pull into the long, circular driveway. A large cast-iron lamp sits above the front entry, flickering like it’s a real flame, but it isn’t. I smile at it as a warmth spreads through me. I love this house. Always have. There are a lot of happy memories mixed in with the others here. Two sisters who grew up together. A happy, stable family…until those two sisters got older and noticed more. Then the lies about my parents’ relationship started to unravel.
For everything my father is, he’s still a cheating bastard. And my mother doesn’t care.
How’s that for family of the year?
That’s when I started to despise this life. When I realized that even good things can crack. Everything can look epic on the outside, but it’s only a figment of the imagination.
Like I told Oliver the other day, the only thing I want is something real. Something that transcends what I’m supposed to do if I’m a dutiful Astor. Something that won’t break into a million pieces when tested.
Leo’s face flashes in my mind at that moment. It’s surprising, actually, but not wholly unwelcome. A sense of loss hits me hard in the chest when I picture him walking away. I was out of line. Plain and simple.
I knew he lost his father. I was just being— Well, I was deflecting.
I push the car door open with what feels like ants crawling all over my skin. The whole situation with Alaric and Leo doesn’t feel right. Here I am, talking about something that’s real, and I don’t even know if I can trust them. Makes me wonder how Dee ever forgave Keegan enough to let him back into her life.
I know what she’d tell me because I’d asked her before on one of the many times they were on again after being off. She’d said, “Sometimes you have to listen to your heart…even if it does end up in tatters. You can’t go your whole life pushing people away.”
I swallow, stopping in my tracks. It’s as if she’s telling me that for the first time because it’s the first time I’ve ever actually heard her. She was saying that for me.
You can’t go your whole life pushing people away.
Like I’ve been doing with everyone and everything. Oliver. My family. My responsibilities.
God, I’m so thick.
I enter the house, calling out for Mom and Dad. The light in the spacious foyer is on, and I take a right, heading toward the living room. I don’t make it that far as Dad sticks his head out of his office. “Edie?”
“Hey, Dad,” I say, stopping in the middle of the hallway.
His forehead wrinkles. “What are you doing here, honey?”
“Just wanted to chat.” I glance around. The sprawling house is eerily quiet. “Where’s Mom?”
“Asleep.”
He steps back, so I follow him into his large office that looks out over the side yard. I scan the room, realizing I haven’t been in here for a very long time. “Up late working?”
“Always,” he says. “Is everything okay at school?”
I shrug, thinking the classwork is much harder than I want. But I’m sure that’s not actually what he’s asking. “Dad, how come you haven’t answered my texts?”
He sits in his posh leather chair, and I note he’s still very pale. It was dark in the hall, but all those same frail features that I noticed after Dee died are still clinging to him. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I was going to tomorrow. Just got bogged down in work since I took so much time off after— After,” he ends finally, and we obviously both know what he means. “Is it that important? I’m sorry, honey.” He sits back in his chair, giving me his full attention.
“Dad, I need to talk about Dee…and the Knights.” I swallow the hard lump in my throat. Talking about the Knights of Arcadia is a no-no. Or at least it has been my entire life. It was never a secret that my dad belonged to a special society. There were always whispers at parties and the pins and the cufflinks, and so many other things. But it was also implied that it was one of those things that we didn’t discuss.
He shakes his head, giving me a stern look. “Now, Eden—”
“Dad,” I interrupt.
“No, Eden.” He stands, his chair sliding back haphazardly.